One Of These Days I’m Gonna Ex­plode

Girl to friend: I ooze tal­ent, like a pim­ple oozes pus.

Cor­val­lis, Ore­gon

Ho­mo­pho­bos, One Of Mars’ Moons, Duh

Girl #1: I’m a car­ri­er for he­mo­phil­ia.
Girl #2: You’re ho­mo­pho­bic? That’s fucked up!
Girl #1: What the fuck are you talk­ing about?

Eu­gene, Ore­gon

Over­heard by: Spencer and Kevin

B‑R-I-T-N-E‑Y

Lit­tle boy #1, read­ing flap on trash can: T‑H-A-N-K-Y-O‑U spells… um… Garbage!
Lit­tle boy #2, hit­ting boy #1: No, you dum­my! Garbage starts with a ‘B’!

Burg­er King
Grants Pass, Ore­gon

…Steak Knives Are Much More Ef­fec­tive.

Mom­my: Let’s not at­tack mom­my with a fork.

Salem, Ore­gon

Over­heard by: lau­raf

…In the Same Way My Slash­ing You with This Reg­is­ter Key Would Be In­ter­est­ing.

Cashier: Sir, would you like to do­nate that one cent to breast can­cer re­search?
Man: No… I ac­tu­al­ly think can­cer is a great way of con­trol­ling pop­u­la­tion.
Cashier, frown­ing at him: That’s in­ter­est­ing.

Port­land, Ore­gon

Over­heard by: anas­ta­sia

Lone­ly Old Peo­ple Will An­swer to Any­thing

Boy, to teenage girl: Hi, Lisa.
Old man, en­ter­ing: Hi.

Cafe
Eu­gene, Ore­gon

Lar­ry Is a Girl?

Col­lege stu­dent #1: Lar­ry’s rug is a trap!
Col­lege stu­dent #2: Her rug has a pe­nis?

Port­land, Ore­gon

Over­heard by: Laris­sa

The Large Group Ones Are a Lo­gis­ti­cal Night­mare

Peer-taught health class leader: Small group con­dom prac­tice! Wooot!

Eu­gene, Ore­gon

Over­heard by: nys­sa

With the Con­fu­cian­ism on the Side

Yo­ga la­dy: I mean, re­al­ly: just give me the Es­ki­mo sex, not the can­ni­bal­ism.

Pow­ell’s Book­store
Port­land, Ore­gon

Over­heard by: kate

Like the Sex-Ed DVD Abor­tion: De­li­cious, but Dead­ly

Fe­male col­lege stu­dent eat­ing grapes: Look, it’s a ba­by grape. And this one is like a grape fe­tus.
Room­mate: What? Are there fla­vored fe­tus­es?

Port­land, Ore­gon

Over­heard by: Laris­sa