Archive for the ‘Overheard in Minneapolis’ Category

I Need a Des­ig­nat­ed Thinker

Girl on cell: It’s not that I don’t want to get wast­ed. I want to get wast­ed. I just don’t want to get fucked up, you know? So I’m not re­al­ly sure what to do.

Over­heard by: I have that dilem­ma of­ten

Just When You Thought Hu­man Sex­u­al­i­ty Was Com­pli­cat­ed Enough, Cloning Ar­rived.

Girl in de­bate to two guys at her ta­ble: But that does­n’t make it gay. You’re still hav­ing het­ero­sex­u­al sex, but you’re just do­ing it next to your­self.

Over­heard by: true

Un­less You Know Some­thing About Louis Pas­teur That I Don’t

Mid­dle-aged woman, on sex of­fend­ers: Those peo­ple should just be pas­teur­ized.
Teen daugh­ter: Pas­teur­ized?
Woman: Yeah, you know. Pas­teur­ized.
Daugh­ter: No, mom. I don’t think that’s what you mean.

Over­heard by: that might be just as ef­fec­tive

I’ll Stick to My Pla­cen­ta Face-Cream, Thank You Very Much

Male wed­ding-go­er to fe­male wed­ding-go­er: Oh, you guys work here? Ex­cel­lent! My sis­ter’s hus­band, oh, I mean my broth­er-in-law, sells se­men. Bull se­men.

Over­heard by: best pick-up line ever

And Watched the Ba­by Play with a Plas­tic Bag

Of­fice build­ing ten­ant: Oh, and I just want­ed to let you know there was a fire in the dump­ster last week. I looked for the se­cu­ri­ty guard in the build­ing, but could­n’t find him. I did­n’t know who else to no­ti­fy, so I just went home.

Over­heard by: how about 911?