Archive for the ‘Overheard in Pittsburgh’ Category

Let’s Just Say Rudolph’s Girl­friend Has Her “Month­ly Vis­i­tor”

Girl #1: Every time I watch Rudolph, it gives me stress.
Girl #2: That show is hor­ri­ble!
Girl #1: See, those lit­tle rein­deer, they did­n’t know any bet­ter, but Dancer was a grown-ass rein­deer! He knew bet­ter than to treat Rudolph like that, tellin’ his own kid not to play with Rudolph… That’s some straight-up bull­shit.
Guy: And why was Rudolph’s nose red if both of his par­ents’ noses were black?
Girl #2: ‘Cause his mom was a ho.
Girl #1: Y’­know, Dancer was prob­a­bly his mom’s punk-ass ba­by-dad­dy. And you know what? Even San­ta did­n’t know how to act. If I was Rudolph, I would tell San­ta, ‘Oh, hell no!‘
Girl #2: Oh, hell no!
Girl #1: ‘San­ta bet­ter get his fat ass up there and guide his own shit, af­ter he be treatin’ me like that! Oh, hell no!’

Quoth the Raven: “Jack­ass.”

Col­lege dude #1: What are those birds that fuck­ing talk?
Col­lege dude #2: Par­rots?
Col­lege dude #1: No, that’s what my teacher said… Ravens! That’s right!
Col­lege dude #2: Ravens talk? That’s like Edgar Allen Poe shit or some­thing.
Col­lege dude #1: No, dude, they for re­al on­ly say like one word, though.
Col­lege dude #2, im­i­tat­ing a raven: Aqua­fi­na!
Col­lege dude #1: Yeah, dude! ‘Aqua­fi­na!’ On­ly I’d make mine say, ‘Ra­di­a­tor.’