Archive for the ‘Overheard in the Valley’ Category

Do You Think I Would Fail His Class?

Asian hip­ster: Peo­ple stare at him, and he re­sents them for star­ing at him. But I’m like, ‘Maybe you should bathe!‘
Jew­ish hip­ster: You should give him an ele­phant tran­quil­iz­er or some­thing.

Over­heard by: Glowien

Though Some­times I Day­dream about the For­mer

Man: I’m work­ing with lit­tle kids now, you know. I babysit for teach­ers. At a nurs­ery.
Girl: Oh?
Man: Yeah, I kin­da like how the kids are re­cy­cled every year… I don’t mean, like, cut up and made in­to new ba­bies, but that I get new ones and the old ones move on.

Over­heard by:

Sec­ond-Best Sex I Ever Had

Woman: Sleep­ing with him just nev­er feels con­sen­su­al. It’s like be­ing raped by your broth­er.
Friend: Yeah, it felt like that for me, too.

The Food Chain’s There — We Just Have to Use It

Girl: I hate geese.
Guy: Be­cause they’re Cana­di­an?
Girl: No, the fat white ones. I hate them be­cause they’re fat. And greedy.
Guy: Yeah, what’s up with that? They al­ways run right up to you if you have bread.
Girl: And they to­tal­ly ha­rass the ducks, man!
Guy: Yeah, what the fuck?! Stu­pid geese. Fuck that shit, man. Fuck that shit.
Girl: Yeah!