Archive for the ‘Overheard in the Valley’ Category

Do You Think I Would Fail His Class?

Asian hipster: People stare at him, and he resents them for staring at him. But I’m like, ‘Maybe you should bathe!‘
Jewish hipster: You should give him an elephant tranquilizer or something.

http://overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com/2007/05/people-in-valley-like-elephants-what-is.html

Overheard by: Glowien

With the Possible Exception of the Half-Man-Half-Woman

Young guy: I know it’s stereotypical for a guy to want a girl who’s a freak in bed, but, really, it’s just so nice.

http://overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com/2007/03/what-leonard-cohen-neil-young-and.html

Is That Why You Named Me “Ralph”?

Little boy: Mommy, where do babies come from? Your mouth?

http://overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com/2007/05/too-many-premium-channels.html

Overheard by: Nikki

And If You Like Him, Like, More Than a Friend

Employee to customer: Excuse me, my boss wants to know if you’re a transvestite.

http://overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com/2007/04/its-mixed-up-muddled-up-shook-up-world.html

Playing Chess? Really?

Girl on cell: Wait, how exactly did you manage to pull your ass muscle?

http://overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com/2007/04/do-they-offer-class-on-that.html

Overheard by:

Though Sometimes I Daydream about the Former

Man: I’m working with little kids now, you know. I babysit for teachers. At a nursery.
Girl: Oh?
Man: Yeah, I kinda like how the kids are recycled every year… I don’t mean, like, cut up and made into new babies, but that I get new ones and the old ones move on.

http://overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com/2007/03/theres-clever-idea-in-there-somewhere.html

Overheard by:

Not Unlike Your Innocence

Cute little girl staring at ceiling: Mommy, what is that butterfly doing there?
Bitchy mom: It’s dead.

http://overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com/2007/05/and-its-all-your-fault.html

Overheard by: Glowien

Second-Best Sex I Ever Had

Woman: Sleeping with him just never feels consensual. It’s like being raped by your brother.
Friend: Yeah, it felt like that for me, too.

http://overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com/2007/03/two-separate-conversations-at-stop-shop.html

Then She Charged Me $75 for the “Psychic Advice”

Older woman: … And then she told me that I was too small for my breasts.
Younger man: I think she said, ‘Too small for your dress.‘
Older woman: … Either way, it was totally inappropriate.

http://overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com/2007/06/potato-potato.html

The Food Chain’s There — We Just Have to Use It

Girl: I hate geese.
Guy: Because they’re Canadian?
Girl: No, the fat white ones. I hate them because they’re fat. And greedy.
Guy: Yeah, what’s up with that? They always run right up to you if you have bread.
Girl: And they totally harass the ducks, man!
Guy: Yeah, what the fuck?! Stupid geese. Fuck that shit, man. Fuck that shit.
Girl: Yeah!

http://overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com/2007/03/that-swan-lake-really-annoyed-hell-out.html

Submit! | Overheard in New York | Office | Celebrities | Everywhere Else

Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist