Archive for the ‘Overheard Lines’ Category

Presenting the Sovereign Cure for Moral Uplift

Chick: Well, as I was writing this massive document I kept thinking about that thing about how you eat an elephant…
Dude: How?
Chick: One bite at a time.
Dude: Ahhh. You know how you bury a giraffe?
Chick: No, how?
Dude: You cut it up with a chainsaw.
Chick: [Silence.]Dude: I saw pictures from the zoo when they had to cut one up.
Chick: They took pictures?!
Dude: Yeah… I’m not sure why.

Overheard by: mk

More of A Guideline, Really

Guy: She’s Irish, so I really hope at some point she says: “Shut yer piehole!”
Girl: I could pay her ten bucks to say it, unless that violated the pie hole code.
Guy: First rule of pie hole: There is no pie hole code.

Overheard by: tim


Dude: He made out with a hooker?! No one makes out with a hooker! What was he thinking?!

Overheard by: j

The Dust on His Floors

Chick: He loves to vacuum. No, wait, not vacuum. What’s that thing you do to your lawn? Mow! He likes to mow.

Overheard by: mk

I Left You a Box of Chocolates in a Locker at the Airport

Office grunt: Valentine’s Day lunch is for people who are having affairs. I’ve worked every Valentine’s Day. The nights are all couples, but the days are all people who say they’re coworkers but then grab each other’s legs under the table.

Overheard by: mk