Panhandler: Do you have any change? I need money. My old lady kicked me out. I need money for a penis… reduction… It’s too big, and she kicked me out. She said not to come back until–
Man: –No.
http://weirdosofwinnipeg.blogspot.com/2006/06/no-i-dont-want-to-see-it.html
Guy #1: Are you gonna get tested?
Guy #2: I think the Lauren thing pretty much takes care of it.
Guy #3: You should still get tested.
Guy #2: Yeeeah, but I don’t like getting blood taken from me and I don’t have any like, symptoms, so…
Guy #3: Well, I haven’t seen your penis.
Simon Fraser University
British Columbia
Canadia
Guy: Man, look at this guy! It’s weird how they keep the eyelashes and hair on to keep them semi-human. You can see everything!
Girl: Um, are all penises so big?
Guy: I think it’s due to preserving process.
Girl: I’m hungy.
Body Worlds Exhibit
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: 8lb Gem my ASS!!
Teenage girl: It’s like every time we get close he backs out. I can’t help to think it has something to do with his penis size.
Friend: Next time just throw him over your shoulder and take him back to the cave.
Santee, California
Overheard by: Story of my life
Guy to girl: Actually, no. I personally hate the idea of having a plastic trash bag on my cock.
Stow, Ohio
Overheard by: d
Teenage boy to teenage girl: I have a bigger penis than you.
Seattle, Washington
Flaming gay over speakerphone: Just like that boy from Miami last night, I tried to suck his dick like I was trying to win an Olympic gold medal. And that’s the only ass I would lick even if it wasn’t clean.
Washington, DC
Girl #1: It was the size of a Double‑A battery.
Girl #2: Best sex ever, right?
Girl #1, shamefully: I don’t know what’s wrong with me!
Miami, Florida
Guy #1: What are those, zucchini?
Guy #2, with sandwich: No, they’re cucumbers.
Girl: Oh please, they’re like the same thing.
Guy #2: No, they’re totally different. Not every phallic-shaped green vegetable is the same thing.
Girl (pauses): Why does everything have to be about penises with you?
San Diego, California
Overheard by: i just came here to clean the air ducts
Frat boy #1: Wait… so they didn’t rape her?
Frat boy #2: No dude, turns out she had a penis. Now every time I see the girl I throw up a little in my mouth.
Laramie, Wyoming
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
