In the Glow of the Au­ro­ra Bo­re­alis

Girl: I saw two penis­es on Sat­ur­day.

Out­side Air­port, Yel­lowknife
North­west Ter­ri­to­ries
Cana­dia

I Could­n’t Help It– I Kept Shin­ing a Strobe Light on Him.

Col­lege girl to three friends, com­plete­ly se­ri­ous: Yeah, I guess his pe­nis had epilep­sy or some­thing.

Col­lege Din­ing Hall
Penn­syl­va­nia

Axe Fi­nal­ly Made a Body Spray Women Like

Girl: What smells like lemon pop­py seed cup­cakes?
Guy: It might be my pe­nis.

Bay­onne, New Jer­sey

Lar­ry Is a Girl?

Col­lege stu­dent #1: Lar­ry’s rug is a trap!
Col­lege stu­dent #2: Her rug has a pe­nis?

Port­land, Ore­gon

Over­heard by: Laris­sa

A Dick­ta­tor­ship?

Pro­fes­sor: So Rus­sia had this re­al­ly phal­lus-ori­ent­ed sys­tem of gov­ern­ment…

Uni­ver­si­ty
New­found­land
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: Mel

Is­n’t That an Old Irish Drink­ing Song?

Neal Patrick Har­ris looka­like: Okay, okay: no pick­le dicks on Mol­ly!

Al­bu­querque, New Mex­i­co

Could You Leave Me Alone with This for a Few Min­utes?

Drunk man to man hold­ing rolled-up news­pa­per: There’s a kind of phal­lic-ness about it, a sort of mas­cu­line qual­i­ty…

The Ship Inn, South­bank
Bris­bane
Aus­tralia

It’s Even Worse in Chica­go.

8th grade health teacher, an­swer­ing why you can’t put a con­dom on when you’re not erect: So…um, when it’s not hard, it’s just like there, you know, flap­ping in the wind…

Sil­ver Spring, Mary­land

Over­heard by: nice thought…

Stood in Front of One Uri­nal and Peed in An­oth­er

Di­sheveled hip­ster: His dick was so crooked that it had, like, a knuck­le!

Cal­gary
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: Mrs The Ex­pe­ri­ence

When Straight Guys Are Forced to Watch Martha Stew­art

20-some­thing loud man: I would not put my dick in her ear. That’s how not in­ter­est­ed I am.

Nor­man, Ok­la­homa