Woman to friend: I cannot even begin to tell you about the ridiculousness of yogurt.
The Gayborhood
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: inquiring mind
Archive for the ‘Pennsylvania’ Category
Nobody Can Do Sexual Harassment Like the Insane
Crazy bag lady, loudly: I don’t suck dick for pussy! I don’t suck dick for pussy! I don’t suck dick for pussy!
(sits down next to another passenger on the subway)
Crazy bag lady, now in passenger’s face: I don’t suck dick for pussy!
(female passenger gets up and moves)
Crazy bag lady: Why you jumping? Why you jumping, bitch!? You weren’t jumpin’ last night when that guy put his long ass dick in you last night!
Female passenger: Excuse me, ma’am, don’t say that to me! You don’t know me!
(subway train stops)
Conductor: City Hall station!
Female passenger: Excuse me, sir, there’s a crazy lady on the subway harassing the other passengers.
Conductor: Oh, could you point her out to me?
(female passenger points to crazy woman yelling)
Conductor: Ma’am, are you bothering people?
Crazy bag lady: Why you tryin’ to fuck me standing up!? Why don’t you fuck me lying down like a gentleman!
Conductor: Ma’am, I’m calling the police.
Broad Street Line Subway
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Or, As Much So As Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger
Guy: My sister and I are twins, but I was born first.
Woman #1: Do you mean you just came out first?
Guy: Well, see, what happened was I am two years older than my sister. [Everyone stares at each other.]Woman #2: … So you and your sister are twins, but she is two years younger?
Guy: Oh, wait, I’m getting confused with another family story. I am two years older than my sister, but I’m pretty sure we’re not twins, either.
900 West Valley Road
Wayne, Pennsylvania
Long Story Short, We Got Toys, Motherfucker!
Acting professor: We just tweaked a few things to make it Christmassy and kidnapped Santa.
Point Park University
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: ZB
Extra Surprising When We Found Out You Were a Boy
Dumb blonde: Like that time we were at that party, and everyone was naked, and it was a surprise party!
State College, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: I bet it was a surprise, all right…
Lovemaking Is Cooperative; Fucking Is Competitive
Dude: She fucks like a division one athlete. I swear, I take three shots of whiskey before I go to her place. I need to have the spins so I have any chance of lasting.
Ten Stone
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: johnny
Said She’s Too Old to Start Wearing Pleather Again
Old lady to another: Mary started crying because she thought they were taking her back to New Jersey.
Pizza Shop
Lima, Pennsylvania
Why Will’s Parents Sent Him to His Auntie and Uncle in Bel Air
Girl: Jazmin*, what was you doing in the bathroom?
Jazmin: Oh, you know…
Boy across the hall: She was taking a dump!
Jazmin: Yup! That’s what we do all day, every day.
Public High School
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: andromeda
Why People Hate Tequila in the Morning, Encapsulated.
Drunk girl: Look! I have salt stains all over my pants. I’m a car.
Saint Joseph’s University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Maybe “Pedophile” Is a Hot New Non-Alcoholic Cocktail?
Young woman to another: Oh, you could pull that off, but *I* would like a pedophile.
Passer-by to friend: I don’t think that means what she thinks it means… We can only hope.
Phildelphia, Pennsylvania
