I Eat It Before Those Orgies with the Football Team

College girl #1: Eating raw fish makes you super fertile.
College girl #2: Really?
College girl #1: Yeah, thats why I get pregnant so much.

Japanese Restaurant
Richmond, Virginia

Or That She’s My Girlfriend

Man: My girlfriend doesn’t know it yet, but I’m going to get her pregnant.

Ottawa, Canadia

Overheard by: amanda

Um, That’s Just Beer, Sweetie.

Boy, screaming into pregnant mother’s belly: We’re going to give you up for adoption!

Tanger Outlet
Riverhead, New York

Overheard by: bemused

Extra Chunky

20-something girl: So I had to go to the emergency room because I thought I had a baby.
Shocked co-worker: What?! What was it?
20-something girl: Just my period. But it was a bad one.

Biloxi, Mississippi

Overheard by: don’t ditch health class

Especially If I’m Saying, “Faster…Harder…God…Ohhh”

Black guy to friends: I swear, every time I start talking to a girl she gets pregnant. (pause) Fo’ real.

Bowling Green, Kentucky

Overheard by: You must have been doing more than talking

We Don’t Quite Get It, But We Like It

Girl standing in front of a pro-life poster: Well, if that’s true I owe god a lot of child support.

Colorado

My Partner, Paul, Is As Dumbfounded As I Am

Disgruntled dad-to-be: I wish I could sue the urologist, but it is what it is. So now I’m having a son. Whatever.

Portland, Oregon

Overheard by: Glad he’s not my Dad

But I’m Not Sure the Koala Enjoys It

Male student #1: Man, you can’t get pregnant doing that.
Male student #2: Oh.

Monash University
Melbourne
Australia

Overheard by: Assilem

But, for the Record, I Adore David Spade

Girl #1: She’s pregnant? I thought she was on birth control?
Girl #2: She still is.
Girl #1: Isn’t that bad for the baby?
Girl #2: Not really, all that will happen is if it’s a boy, it will start looking more like a girl…
Girl #1: That’s messed up.

Bathroom Stall, Nutty Irishman Bar
Farmingdale, New York

Overheard by: Jennifer

Someone’s Always in the Kitchen With Dinah

TA on cell: No, I do not want to play “guess who’s pregnant?” again.

University of Florida

Overheard by: nick