Archive for the ‘Pregnancy’ Category

But That’s Uni­ver­sal Health Care for You

Big burly man, earnest­ly: So then he said, “my wife is in la­bor,” but I did­n’t ex­act­ly know what that meant.
Eng­lish man, in dis­be­lief: What? What did you think it meant?
Big burly man: I dun­no… Um, like, just preg­nant?
Eng­lish man: So what did you say?
Big burly man: I just said, “yeah, that sucks for you.“
Eng­lish man: Wow, he must have thought you were a re­al ass­hole.
Big burly man: Ha­ha, yeah. And then she had the ba­by in the apart­ment.
(long pause)
Big burly man: So, any­way, now the build­ing’s hot wa­ter’s not work­ing.


Over­heard by: try­ing not to laugh

You Might As Well Face It, You’re Ad­dict­ed to Lumps

Very preg­nant woman sur­round­ed by mis­be­hav­ing chil­dren: Preg­nan­cy is just such a gift. I mean, I feel so blessed. Like, this is what my body was made for, you know? I just feel so much more com­plete when I’m preg­nant. Know­ing that I’m grow­ing this life…
Young woman be­hind her in line, in­ter­rupt­ing: Madam? You are a walk­ing ad­ver­tise­ment for manda­to­ry birth con­trol.

Seat­tle, Wash­ing­ton

Over­heard by: The guy ap­plaud­ing her

Why Stu­pid Peo­ple Will Al­ways Out­num­ber Smart Peo­ple: Ex­plained

Teen girl #1: You know, I wish we had some sort of preg­nan­cy switch that we can turn on and off at will. That way, when we have one night stands, we can just turn ’em off, and, voila! No ba­by!
Teen girl #2: We do. They’re called di­a­grams.
Teen girl #3: You mean “di­aphragms.“
Teen girl #2: What­ev­er.

Man­hat­tan, New York

Over­heard by: Leila

With the Pa­per Bag on His Head?

Girl to friend: What if I am preg­nant? How will I know who the fa­ther is? Well, if it comes out half Asian it’s Ja­son’s. If it comes out a midget it’s Thomas’s, and if it comes out blur­ry, it’s the un­named guy.

Es­con­di­do, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Brit-ta-nee