Little boy to grandma: Once, when I was camping, I sat on my biscuits, then I put my biscuits on a rock and ate them like a dog.
Grandma: Oh, uh… That’s nice…
Australia
Archive for the ‘Pride’ Category
Those Poopyheads Have Already Exhausted Their Five Minutes of Fame
College girl: There, I’ve belittled and insulted The View without using the word “bitch” or the c‑word.
Student Center, Montclair State University
New Jersey
Overheard by: …and that itself is a feat
You Might As Well Face It, You’re Addicted to Lumps
Very pregnant woman surrounded by misbehaving children: Pregnancy is just such a gift. I mean, I feel so blessed. Like, this is what my body was made for, you know? I just feel so much more complete when I’m pregnant. Knowing that I’m growing this life…
Young woman behind her in line, interrupting: Madam? You are a walking advertisement for mandatory birth control.
Starbucks
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: The guy applauding her
…With a Hatred Of Great Strengthiness
Girl: You know, I’m usually a very wise person. Recently, with my situation, I lost a lot of my wiseness, but this trip has brought back that wiseness.
Boy: So, your wiseness never informed you it was called “wisdom”?
Girl: I hate you.
Banora Point High School
Australia
You Haven’t Lived ‘Til You’ve Seen Me Applaud with Them.
Cute girl: I have great tits!
Gay friend, skeptically: I guess they’re nice…
Cute girl: No, really. Each of my last four boyfriends or longish-term hookup buddies were ass-men when they met me, and by the time we split, they’d each been converted to boob-men.
Gay friend, still skeptical: That may just mean your ass isn’t great.
Cute girl: Damn, you’re so cup-half-empty. My ass is great. My tits are just phenomenal.
Manhattan, New York
Whatever You Say, Latonya
Woman in line to another: Yeah, my brother’s birthday is tomorrow. He’s Aryan.
Wal-Mart
Tracy, California
Overheard by: Jeff
Should We Really Drink to That?
Girl to friend: I’m not an alcoholic.
Friend: I’m not an alcoholic, either.
Girl: Cheers to us not being alcoholics!
Austin, Texas
Olive Oyl’s Been Dating Popeye for a Long Time
Hipster chick: I am who I am and that’s what I like about me, but it keeps getting me into these shitty situations.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
I Need My Face for Other Things
Flamboyant grad student, on ice skating: I went years ago… and fell flat on my face. Then I decided that I was too important for this!
Oxford
England
Presenting This Year’s Sweetest Rejection
Tall Hispanic woman to one-legged Hispanic man in wheelchair: Nigga, I get with you, I have triplets–got that supersperm!
Miami, Florida
Overheard by: chuck
