It’s a Good Thing You Love My Dan­gling Par­tici­ple

Blonde: Oh, I’ve heard of that restau­rant! Where is it at?
Boyfriend: No, ‘where is it’?
Blonde: No, that’s what I’m ask­ing you! Where’s it at?
Boyfriend, shak­ing head and sigh­ing: It’s by the mall. This is ridicu­lous.

Vir­ginia Beach, Vir­ginia

Over­heard by: Cring­ing Eng­lish ma­jor

Is It or Is It Not the High Holy Days?

Boy #1: Dude, you know what the best time to get high would be? Right be­fore tem­ple.
Boy #2: No, dude, it’s Yom Kip­pur. You’ll be so hun­gry…

Pri­vate High School
New York, New York

Over­heard by: so many things wrong with this

To­day, Young Tom­my, You Are a Man.

Pan­icked child, be­tween gasps: Why… do I… keep… burp­ing?

Van­cou­ver
Cana­dia

Still Think It Would Be Sad If Cal­i­for­nia Fell In­to the Ocean?

Bim­bette in line for con­cert: Wait, like, when is New Year’s Eve? Is it the 30th or the 31st?
Boyfriend: It’s the 30th. New Year’s Day is the 31st.

Chain Re­ac­tion
Ana­heim, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: old­est per­son at the show

From Con­tain­ing All That Evil?

Girl #1: Do you think any­one’s like… Ac­tu­al­ly a good per­son?
[long pause]Girl #2: Ugh, my stom­ach re­al­ly hurts to­day.

Drew Uni­ver­si­ty
Madi­son, New Jer­sey

I Al­ways Mut­ed the TV When Pres­i­dent Bush Came on

Girl to guy: Do you re­al­ly not know what a vagi­na sounds like?

Tem­ple Uni­ver­si­ty
Philadel­phia, Penn­syl­va­nia

Over­heard by: Sean Mc

He Says This Every Mon­day.

Tram dri­ver to very black cowork­er: Have you been on va­ca­tion again? You’ve got a great tan go­ing on!

Gothen­burg
Swe­den

Over­heard by: Dan Se­bas­t­ian

Do You Mean It, or Are You Just Us­ing Her for Sex?

Girl on cell: I said “I love you” like three years ago. Why? When was the last time you said it?
[pause]Girl on cell, shocked: Ew! To who, you whore­bag?!
[pause]Girl on cell, in­cred­u­lous: You say “I love you” to your mom?

200 Bus
Los An­ge­les, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: like­whoa

This Has Noth­ing to Do with Par­ti­cle Physics, but I Thought I’d Share

Pro­fes­sor: Have any of you been hurt by love? [Class is silent, and pro­fes­sor cack­les ma­ni­a­cal­ly] Ha­ha­ha, ohhh, it’s com­ing.

Rut­gers Uni­ver­si­ty
New Jer­sey

I Meant Sky­Mall Mag­a­zine, but What­ev­er

New­bie guy on air­plane: What’s this?
Fe­male friend: For your en­ter­tain­ment.
New­bie guy: Ooooh! Barf bag!

Wash­ing­ton In­ter­na­tion­al Air­port
Bal­ti­more, Mary­land