Archive for the ‘Rednecks’ Category

The Mag­ic Night Cle­tus Met Bran­dine

Male red­neck: You can come over, but you can’t be shit­tin’ in my bath­room.
(fe­male red­neck is silent)
Male red­neck: Se­ri­ous­ly… I like you and all, but I don’t know you good enough for you to be stankin’ up my bath­room.
(they leave to­geth­er)

Project Lounge
Biloxi, Mis­sis­sip­pi

Over­heard by: these are the peo­ple who get to have sex?

It Was All, “What Am I, a Fuck­ing Cow?”

Red­neck girl: So do you wor­ship cows?
Hin­du boy: Yes, that’s part of our re­li­gion.
Red­neck girl: No, I mean you. Do you wor­ship cows?
Hin­du boy: Yes! I do, my peo­ple do, it’s our re­li­gion!
Red­neck girl: So when you go to church, there’s a cow there?
Hin­du boy: No, we don’t go to church.
Red­neck girl: Have you ever gone cow-tip­ping?
Hin­du boy: What’s that?
Red­neck girl: It’s when you run up to a cow in the mid­dle of the night and push it over and it goes “mooooooooo!” I tried to tip a horse once, too, but it just looked at me.

High School
North Car­oli­na

You’d Be Lucky If They Were On­ly Rapists

Red­necks in pick­up truck, dri­ving past bus stop: Hey, pret­ty girl! Want a ride?
(pret­ty girl wait­ing for bus shakes her head, truck moves on)
Pret­ty girl, to male com­pan­ion: So, is every­one here just re­al­ly friend­ly, or what?
Male com­pan­ion: No, they’re creepy. Don’t talk to them.

High­land­town, Bal­ti­more

Over­heard by: tourist

Is Any­one Else Kin­da Aroused?

Bo­gan guy: Oh, I for­got to get you some­thing for din­ner tonight.
Bo­gan girl: I wish I could walk to the shops. It’s al­right for you, you wan­na walk some­where, you just go.
Bo­gan guy: You can’t go to the shops, it’s not safe.
Bo­gan girl: I re­al­ly like walk­ing. You know, I just go out on my own, and I’m out­side…
Bo­gan guy: But it’s not safe on your own, and it’s so far away.
Bo­gan girl: Yeah, but I re­al­ly like walk­ing, walk­ing is re­al­ly cool. I re­al­ly like it.
Bo­gan girl: So, what, are you gonna have me eat two-minute noo­dles for din­ner?
Bo­gan guy: For fuck­’s sake, I don’t care what you eat! Walk to the fuck­ing shops if you fuck­ing want to! Just stop your fuck­ing whing­ing!