Archive for the ‘Rednecks’ Category

It Was All, “What Am I, a Fucking Cow?”

Redneck girl: So do you worship cows?
Hindu boy: Yes, that’s part of our religion.
Redneck girl: No, I mean you. Do you worship cows?
Hindu boy: Yes! I do, my people do, it’s our religion!
Redneck girl: So when you go to church, there’s a cow there?
Hindu boy: No, we don’t go to church.
Redneck girl: Have you ever gone cow-tipping?
Hindu boy: What’s that?
Redneck girl: It’s when you run up to a cow in the middle of the night and push it over and it goes “mooooooooo!” I tried to tip a horse once, too, but it just looked at me.

High School
North Carolina

The Magic Night Cletus Met Brandine

Male redneck: You can come over, but you can’t be shittin’ in my bathroom.
(female redneck is silent)
Male redneck: Seriously… I like you and all, but I don’t know you good enough for you to be stankin’ up my bathroom.
(they leave together)

Project Lounge
Biloxi, Mississippi

Overheard by: these are the people who get to have sex?

Is Anyone Else Kinda Aroused?

Bogan guy: Oh, I forgot to get you something for dinner tonight.
Bogan girl: I wish I could walk to the shops. It’s alright for you, you wanna walk somewhere, you just go.
Bogan guy: You can’t go to the shops, it’s not safe.
Bogan girl: I really like walking. You know, I just go out on my own, and I’m outside…
Bogan guy: But it’s not safe on your own, and it’s so far away.
Bogan girl: Yeah, but I really like walking, walking is really cool. I really like it.
Bogan girl: So, what, are you gonna have me eat two-minute noodles for dinner?
Bogan guy: For fuck’s sake, I don’t care what you eat! Walk to the fucking shops if you fucking want to! Just stop your fucking whinging!