Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category

Maybe Stop Voting Republican?

Guy: My mom hit my dad with a frying pan. He doesn’t have a cheek anymore. It’s been entirely restructured. She used to beat the shit out of him! It was so funny. But when he drunk – that’s when she’d get a beating.
Girl, sympathetically: Your family…
Guy: Oh, I love my family! I don’t know what I’d do without them!

Neptune City, New Jersey

For Some Reason, Nobody Ever Listens to Cassandra

Loud girl on cell: Don’t you think he might just be settling for you because he don’t have no other choice? (pause) What I mean is, he’s only marrying you because he can’t find no one better? (pause) This is what I’m talkin’ about. You don’t know nothing. He don’t want to marry you. He just is cause he ain’t got nothing better to do. (pause) Yes, I am serious. Don’t take that tone with me. I know what I’m talkin’ about!

King of Prussia, Pennsylvania

Would You Say It While Brandishing a Riding Crop?

35-year-old man: Do you know what I did for you? I left my home, my wife. I cheated because I was cheated on, I know what that’s like. You’re turning 30, you need a man, what’s a woman at 30? You’re alone!
28-year-old woman: You’re having a midlife crisis. Women don’t get those. I’m there for you, like, “you should stop at three drinks because you’re a terrible drunk.“
35-year-old man: You’d do that for me?

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Matt

But I Want to Be the Straight-shooter, If You Know What I Mean.

Male mountain biker: All we ever did was make out. And that’s not what I want in a relationship. If I wanted a hook-up buddy I’d at least get one who would suck my dick. I mean, there’s like 14 girls I could go to right now. So that’s why I broke up with her.
Female mountain biker: Yeah… She was pretty straightforward though, wasn’t she?

Crafton Hills, California

Overheard by: they didn’t even notice I was wearing hiking in slippers