Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category

I'm Like, “Look at All These Dishes– What's Your Problem?”

Drunk 40-year-old dude #1, standing in line for the bathroom: Well, there are four sinks. We only need two with the number of people I've seen wash their hands.
Drunk 40-year-old dude #2: Yeah. There was this one time I was peeing in the sink at home, and my wife walked in. She was pissed. Good times.

Overheard by: slight overshare

Leave It to the Ivy Leaguers to Really Get to the Crux of an Issue

Frat boy: That's all I want, a girl from, like, some poor village in southern Italy, doesn't speak a fuckin' *word* of English, and I can bring her home, and she can lie in my bed all day, and fuck me, and make me gnocci.
Plain blonde girl: Do you really like gnocci?

Yale Berkeley College Dining Hall
Cambridge, Massachusetts

I’m Content to Be Her Booty-Call Beneficiary

Dude to friend: … And then she asked me, ‘Where do you think this relationship is going?’ Fuck! She calls me when she’s drunk, and I leave the door unlocked for her… This situation is working out well for me — that’s where this relationship is going.

Museum of Flight
Seattle, Washington