Man walking down street: Dude… your woman just said “we need to talk.” You need to get the fuck out of there right now!
San Francisco, California
Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category
…So Now Joe and I Are Dating.
Nine-year-old: Logan almost got a girlfriend!
Six-year-old: Really?
Nine-year-old: Yep. Remember Courtney?
Six-year-old: With the glasses?
Nine-year-old: Yeah. He asked her out on the bus, but she said no. After that, Joe was like, “I want a girlfriend,” and I was like, “yeah, I know. Me, too, buddy. Me, too.”
Swimming Pool
Louisiana
Well, It Was New to Us.
Boyfriend, to girlfriend who has just ripped ass: Ugh! Baby! No, don’t just walk away and leave me standing here, you can’t just crop dust like that!
Target
Overland Park, Kansas
No! Haven’t You Been Listening?
Lady 1: So they’re getting married now.
Lady 2: But I thought she had a baby.
Lady 1: Yes, but it’s his brother’s. See, her sister wanted to be with him so she told him her sister couldn’t have normal children. It turns out she’s the one who can’t have children.
Lady 2: Oh… so they’re getting married?
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: Confused listener
Since Apparently Assholism No Longer Qualifies
Guy to another: I don’t know what to tell you… If she won’t break up with you because you invited her to have a threesome, then tell her that you have some disability… (mumbles) …like, what’s that form of autism called? “Asperger syndrome”?
Bar
Austin, Texas
Um, Racoon Mario Is So Much More Useful
Girl playing video game: Some girls just want to get married. I just want fire.
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Kelson
God Bless the USA!
English professor: “My wife, Bob, is pregnant.” Polygamy, pregnant men, gay marriage–it’s got it all!
University of Rock County
Wisconsin
Overheard by: Aku
…Period.
Girl to friend: All you have to do is say something about menstruation and every man within earshot becomes uncomfortable.
Michigan State University
And Then Only Because It Was on the Marriage Certificate
Thugette: I went out with him for like two weeks before I even found out his name.
East Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: marcosx
Thanks, Make-a-Wish Foundation!
Drunk girl in bar during Rose Bowl: It’s official–I’m going to be ovulating on my wedding day.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Double V
