I Was Just Pointing Out That Most Dogs Don’t Have Their Own Bathtubs

Drunk JAP, yelling at boyfriend: I can’t deal with your shit anymore! You don’t respect me, you ridicule me in front of my friends. You tell me my dog doesn’t deserve to live in a house as big as mine! I don’t want to live like this!

Long Island, New York

Overheard by: Jill and Weenie

Yes, I Found Out What I’m Doing Now Is Illegal

Woman on phone, sobbing and screaming: We have two beautiful children, and you want to stick your dick in someone else?

Disneyland
Anaheim, California

So I Went With French Nails and I Never Looked Back

Professor: And so then after he killed the beast he went and bathed because there was dirt under his fingernails and a civilized man never has dirty fingernails… (pauses) My first girlfriend dumped me for dirty fingernails.

York University
Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: Student

Then Maya Angelou Bitch-Slapped That Opinion Out Of Me

Woman #1: So how did the date go?
Woman #2: Well, he started telling me about his favorite books, and I was all: “you know niggas can’t read!”

Georgia

Or That She’s My Girlfriend

Man: My girlfriend doesn’t know it yet, but I’m going to get her pregnant.

Ottawa, Canadia

Overheard by: amanda

And Made Her Compare the Two Videos

Guy: Yeah, no, she dumped me.
Friend: Why?
Guy: Dunno, but I think it was ’cause I said her sister was better in bed.

http://community.livejournal.com/overheardinmelb/171640.html

Not When You’re in Them

Student #1: Did you end up taking her to SeaWorld or Busch Gardens or something?
Student #2: Naw, man, I told you — she set all my clothes on fire!
Student #1: See, I think that’s kinky.

Michigan State University
Michigan

That’s Why Her Name Is Bjorrjammijjinanan

Shorter kid playing basketball to taller kid: Your dad bought your mom at Ikea!

Watertown, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Ariel

… Your Brother’s One Lucky Guy

Female student #1: But, like, he’s a really good guy, and he’s going to make some girl very happy one day.
Female student #2: Right… But that girl’s just not you.
Female student #1: Exactly! But we might hang out this weekend and, like, have sex or something.
Female student #2: Nothin’ wrong with that.

Cornell University
Ithaca, New York

He’s Part Woodpecker

Sorority chick, from across room: Hey, do you wanna go steady?
Frat guy: Sure, when?
Sorority chick: I dunno… Let me ask my boyfriend and get back to you.
Frat guy: Sweet. Just as long as I get to tap that.

Iowa

Overheard by: confused and disgusted