Attractive passerby: And then she was all like, “my parents would never press charges against you.” And I was so touched…
Houston, Texas
Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category
Ah, Refried Love
20-something girl on phone: Wait, he gave you a bite of his burrito and you’re questioning his feelings for you? (pause) Girl, he practically proposed right there!
University of Missouri
Overheard by: Black Bean
Maybe Stop Voting Republican?
Guy: My mom hit my dad with a frying pan. He doesn’t have a cheek anymore. It’s been entirely restructured. She used to beat the shit out of him! It was so funny. But when he drunk – that’s when she’d get a beating.
Girl, sympathetically: Your family…
Guy: Oh, I love my family! I don’t know what I’d do without them!
Neptune City, New Jersey
When One Partner Wants to Have “The Talk,” It Just Fucking Happens
Man on cell on train: No, I told you nothing’s wrong, I’m just tired. (very long pause) No, nothing’s wrong. We don’t need to have a talk. (long pause) No, I told you, nothing’s wrong. I’m on the train. (very long pause, then annoyed) Do you want to make that pasta tonight? That sounds like fun.
Chicago, Illinois
Last Time I Tried That, I Ended Up at the E.R.
Man gassing up his pickup truck to screaming woman inside: Goddammit, Delores, I cannot unfuck that woman!
Gas Station, Alabama
And You Thought Picking Up Girls at Funerals Was Bad
Girlfriend on packed, stopped train: I’m bored. Tell me a story.
Boyfriend: I remember the first time I saw you…you were crying…sitting outside the abortion clinic. I gave you my hankie.
Yellow Train
Washington, DC
Overheard by: entertained next to them
For Some Reason, Nobody Ever Listens to Cassandra
Loud girl on cell: Don’t you think he might just be settling for you because he don’t have no other choice? (pause) What I mean is, he’s only marrying you because he can’t find no one better? (pause) This is what I’m talkin’ about. You don’t know nothing. He don’t want to marry you. He just is cause he ain’t got nothing better to do. (pause) Yes, I am serious. Don’t take that tone with me. I know what I’m talkin’ about!
King of Prussia, Pennsylvania
How Is a Dorm Room Like a Crime Scene, Alex?
Drunk girl: Oh! So you’re not going to go home with your girlfriend when she is asking you and her roommate isn’t even home! Oh! Oh! (boyfriend whispers something to her) I don’t care if I’m on my period or not!
University of Dayton
Dayton, Ohio
Would You Say It While Brandishing a Riding Crop?
35-year-old man: Do you know what I did for you? I left my home, my wife. I cheated because I was cheated on, I know what that’s like. You’re turning 30, you need a man, what’s a woman at 30? You’re alone!
28-year-old woman: You’re having a midlife crisis. Women don’t get those. I’m there for you, like, “you should stop at three drinks because you’re a terrible drunk.“
35-year-old man: You’d do that for me?
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Matt
But I Want to Be the Straight-shooter, If You Know What I Mean.
Male mountain biker: All we ever did was make out. And that’s not what I want in a relationship. If I wanted a hook-up buddy I’d at least get one who would suck my dick. I mean, there’s like 14 girls I could go to right now. So that’s why I broke up with her.
Female mountain biker: Yeah… She was pretty straightforward though, wasn’t she?
Crafton Hills, California
Overheard by: they didn’t even notice I was wearing hiking in slippers
