Exceedingly pale college guy: You can’t trust redheads. They don’t blink their eyes at the same time.
Exceedingly pale high school guy: (nods in understanding)
Arby’s
Tempe, Arizona
Exceedingly pale college guy: You can’t trust redheads. They don’t blink their eyes at the same time.
Exceedingly pale high school guy: (nods in understanding)
Arby’s
Tempe, Arizona
Dude: She fucks like a division one athlete. I swear, I take three shots of whiskey before I go to her place. I need to have the spins so I have any chance of lasting.
Ten Stone
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: johnny
Old lady to another: Mary started crying because she thought they were taking her back to New Jersey.
Pizza Shop
Lima, Pennsylvania
Five-year-old boy to barista: I’m getting my pee-pee cut off tomorrow so I get a treat today!
Barista: Umm…
Mother to child: You are being circumcised, not mutilated! (to barista) It’s just a medical thing, he doesn’t really get it.
Starbucks
Carmel, Indiana
20-something blonde: It’s just…she can’t talk, all she does is scream and cry. She’s not even a real person yet. I just don’t understand how you can love her so much!
Redhead, lovingly cradling baby: Shit, hon, you have to stop saying things like that. She’s your daughter!
Café Nero
London
England
Overheard by: Nit
Twenty-something dude: When I grow up, and learn how to play an instrument, I’m calling my band he-gina and she-nis.
McKenna’s
Baltimore, Maryland
Girl one: Smell my face. Smell right here. Doesn’t it smell great? The stripper I got a lap dance from was wearing great perfume.
Girl two: It smells like pickles.
Toby Keith’s Restaurant
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: At least it doesn’t smell like tuna
Guy: It’s not like he has one extra nipple… He has two.
Girl: He’s like a rat!
Starbucks
Hollywood, California
Old white lady, leaving table with a flourish: Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to the bathroom to shoot up.
Lemongrass
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Loves Her Some Thai Food
Woman at table dining with friend: I mean, I love infectious diseases, don’t get me wrong, but that’s not my life.
Red Restaurant
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: kyndgrrl
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist