Drunk woman: … And that’s how my parents hooked up! My dad was a drunk dialer!
Outside George’s
Waco, Texas
Archive for the ‘Restaurants’ Category
As Long As You Don’t Lie in the Same Bed Together, It’s All Good
Man: What does it say in the bible about punching your son in the face?
Starbucks
Durham, North Carolina
Overheard by: wondering the same thing myself
And This Money Isn’t Even Green!
Middle-aged American tourist woman: The rooms here have strange plugs, I simply cannot use my curling iron! This is outrageous… I want to see the manager immediately!
Hotel Restaurant
Munich
Germany
Overheard by: Dru
The Same Reason I Snort the Pretty White Dust
(mother pouring sugar in her coffee)
Little boy: Mom, why do you drink dirty water?
Mother: Because of you.
Starbucks
Chicago, Illinois
You'd Rather Be Cheated on with Someone Ugly?
Hot girl: So when I finally met the girl he cheated on me with, I was in shock, because she was about a thousand times hotter than she looked on the picture I found.
Guy friend: Yeah. Well, some people are just not photogenic.
Hot girl: No, you don't understand! She's like supermodel hot, he had like no choice, even I would have fucked that Moroccan bitch right then and there.
Guy friend: That's so hot.
Hot girl: Life is not fair.
Starbucks
I Figure Since He Died for Me, I May As Well Give Him Something Nice to Look At
Man: I’m giving up bread for lent.
Woman: Is that because Jesus Christ died for your sins, or because you’re concerned with your figure?
Starbucks
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Maggie
And Button Up Your Pants, Sweetie
Little girl: I love you, pole.
[She kisses the pole.]
Father: Don’t kiss the pole! Keep it rated G!
Outside a Dim Sum Shop
Alameda, California
The Physics Lab That Was Never to Be Repeated
Tall skinny guy: Did you know that three out of every four deaths on roller coasters are girls? It's because they're so small and aerodynamic.
Six Flags
Valencia, California
But I Have Bought His Ashes on eBay
Guy in Mexican restaurant: Have you ever met the Pope?
Girl in Mexican restaurant: No. He's dead.
Groton, Connecticut
Overheard by: Newt
None Of Your Five-Dollar-Footlong Parents for Us!
Lady to guy eating a sub: But both mine and his parents' are life-sized!
Sub Factory
Tempe, Arizona