Small child entering restroom: Mom, why can’t we go to the boys’ room? Because I’ve got a girl with me?
Mom: You are a girl!
Sushi Restaurant
Kansas City, Kansas
Overheard by: zombie z
Small child entering restroom: Mom, why can’t we go to the boys’ room? Because I’ve got a girl with me?
Mom: You are a girl!
Sushi Restaurant
Kansas City, Kansas
Overheard by: zombie z
Loud man: …and he wakes me up at night licking my eyelids!
Siam Orchid
Manchester, New Hampshire
Old teacher, about middle school student: Johnny’s fine until he has an audience. Then he gets all gang-bangy and tries to screw Mrs. Smith.
Young teacher: Please don’t ever say that again.
Restaurant
Redlands, California
Guy #1: Check out that girl’s ensemble. Interesting.
Gut #2: I bet she read a book about how to wear her scarf.
Antonio’s Pizza
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Chris
Hot girl: So when I finally met the girl he cheated on me with, I was in shock, because she was about a thousand times hotter than she looked on the picture I found.
Guy friend: Yeah. Well, some people are just not photogenic.
Hot girl: No, you don’t understand! She’s like supermodel hot, he had like no choice, even I would have fucked that Moroccan bitch right then and there.
Guy friend: That’s so hot.
Hot girl: Life is not fair.
Starbucks
Girl: Oh my god, I love their deep-fried mac and cheese balls!
Boy: I got some fried mac and cheese balls for you.
Girl: Tommy, if you tried to dip your balls in a deep fryer, they would probably fall off.
Boy: No they wouldn’t.
Waiter, passing by quickly: Yes they would!
Cheesecake Factory
Kettering, Ohio
Customer: I’ll have a large hot chocolate, a chocolate glazed donut, and a plain bagel with smoked salmon cream cheese on the side.
Drive-thru grunt: What did you say for the cream cheese on the side?
Customer: Smoked salmon.
Drive-thru grunt: Oh, we don’t have that kind.
Customer: What kinds of cream cheese do you have?
Drive-thru grunt: We have chive. Chive is like smoked salmon.
Customer: Uh…yeah.
Bangor, Maine
Overheard by: just wanted a coffee
Girlfriend, excited: I know exactly what I’m going to get you for your birthday this year.
Boyfriend: Oh yeah? I know exactly what I am going to get you for your birthday.
Girlfriend: Really? Are you going to get that thing cut off your back?
Cafe
Sydney
Australia
Girl on phone: I’ll go on MySpace and look until I die for a picture of you in a ugly green dress!
Orlando Ale House
Orlando, Florida
Man: I’m giving up bread for lent.
Woman: Is that because Jesus Christ died for your sins, or because you’re concerned with your figure?
Starbucks
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Maggie
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist