Archive for the ‘Sex’ Category

Some­one Needs to Hold Up the Score Cards

Grad stu­dent #1: Yeah, it is re­al­ly hard. They have to wait and see how much, like, brain mat­ter they share.
Grad stu­dent #2: What does the one twin do while the oth­er twin has sex?
Grad stu­dent #1: I think he just lays there and is re­al­ly un­com­fort­able.
Grad stu­dent #2: Awk­ward.

Over­heard by: llouie

She May Have Put Her Pie on Your Pie

Room­mate #1 look­ing at crater-filled pie in freez­er: Dude, what did you do to this pie?
Room­mate #2: Me and Erin* kin­da went at it…
Room­mate #3: Oh, yeah? What else did you guys do?
Room­mate #2: …with a spoon.

Bay­onne, New Jer­sey

I Was Like, “Sor­ry, I’m Try­ing to Cut Down”

Skin­ny guy: He’s com­ing to the par­ty tonight? Was­n’t he hit­ting on your girl­friend last time?
Big burly beard­ed guy: No, she texted me last night. She talked to his room­mate: turns out he was­n’t invit­ing her to a three­some ’cause he likes her. He was invit­ing us to a four­some ’cause he likes me.


Same Way I Learned Mas­sage Ther­a­py

Dude #1: I’m a mas­sage ther­a­pist and an elec­tri­cian.
Dude #2: Oh yeah? Did you go to school to learn how to be an elec­tri­cian?
Dude #1: Naw, I hooked up with this guy who had been do­ing it for four years and owned a five mil­lion dol­lar house. He just hand­ed me a drill and told me to go for it.

Petaluma, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: lith