College girl: Yeah, but I don’t fuck my kids.
Friend: Well, you don’t have any yet.
College girl, looking down: I can’t believe I just checked my vagina before I answered that.
College Campus
SoCal, California
Archive for the ‘Sex’ Category
Ah, the Ever-Effective Nuremberg Defense!
Guido to skinny guy on métro: So you weren’t really grabbing her boobs. That’s just following instructions. (pause) You were just being a team player, man.
Vendôme Métro
Montréal
Canadia
He Heimliched Me from Behind and Just Kept Going
Girl in car, while on cell phone: I was coughing because I was eating a cookie while trying to have sex!
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Squid
Just When You Thought Human Sexuality Was Complicated Enough, Cloning Arrived.
Girl in debate to two guys at her table: But that doesn’t make it gay. You’re still having heterosexual sex, but you’re just doing it next to yourself.
http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/376581637/theres-a-different-word-for-that.html
Overheard by: true
Because I Really Need to Work on My Reverse-Cowgirl
Girl on cell: So I learned over the weekend that my parents are swingers. I know, it was so weird! It’s like, okay, so on the weekends you go out and have sex with other people… Yeah… Do we have practice today?
College of Saint Benedict
St. Joseph, Minnesota
Overheard by: Rose
And He Was All, “But I’m Just the Babysitter!”
Lady to friend: So I told him… ten dollars for a hand job!
Friend: Good for you! What an asshole!
Ashland & North Ave
Chicago, Illinois
Tonight on How I Met Your Motherfucker
Very drunk 20-something girl trying to play darts: So what do I do?
30-something guy #1: Just throw ’em.
30-something guy #2: Failing that, love, just take your top off.
Very drunk 20-something girl: Cheeky motherfucker! Get me a vodka and I’ll do it!
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Who Knew a Menorah Could Even Be Used That Way?
Casual guy: It’s amazing how chummy they are now.
Guy in suit: Chummy? They’re like having weird gay-slash-Jewish sex.
Thornton School of Music, USC
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Yapplebee
Yes, I Found Out What I’m Doing Now Is Illegal
Woman on phone, sobbing and screaming: We have two beautiful children, and you want to stick your dick in someone else?
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
No Wonder It’s Spreading So Fast
Teen #1 coming out of arrival gate to friend: So, when do we start coughing, sneezing and squealing to freak people out?
Teen #2: Dude, people with the swine flu don’t squeal!
Teen #1: Then why the hell do they call it that?
Teen #2, jokingly: Because you have to fuck a pig to get it?
Teen #1, seriously: Well, that makes sense!
Logan Airport
Boston, Massachusetts
