Archive for the ‘Sexuality’ Category

At Least Judg­ing by Your Let­ters of Ref­er­ence

White kid #1: Yo, you think he gay?
Black kid: No, I think you gay.
White kid #2: Yo, how did you know?
White kid #1: I blew him, you id­iot.
White kid #2: Did he re­al­ly?
Black kid: I guess you could call it head.
White kid #2: Where was I when that shit went down?
Black kid: I don’t know, but you woul­da done a bet­ter job.

In­ner Har­bor
Bal­ti­more, Mary­land

Over­heard by: Mykl

In­stead, I’ll Dis­cuss Your Pain With This Com­plete Stranger

Boyfriend to gas sta­tion at­ten­dant: She slept with the en­tire foot­ball team in high school.
Girl­friend: Maybe, but I still would­n’t have slept with you.
Boyfriend: Yeah? Re­al­ly? How’s your butt feel? Ha! I haven’t even told my friends about that yet!

Rich­mond, Vir­ginia

So Gay Men Aren’t the Tar­get De­mograpic for That?

Straight girl: So then we were mak­ing out, and it was re­al­ly good…
Gay guy #1: Wait, is­n’t this sto­ry sup­posed to be about how good he was at go­ing down on you?
Straight girl: Oh, I’m get­ting there.
Gay guy #2: Yeah, okay, but this is re­al­ly tak­ing too long. Get to the point.
Gay guy #1: Se­ri­ous­ly. I mean, we don’t re­al­ly like hear­ing about straight hookups any­way. It’s gross. We’re just hu­mor­ing you.
Guy guy #3: This is like the longest pussy-eat­ing sto­ry I’ve heard all day.

San Fran­cis­co, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: TMI

But, for the Record, I Adore David Spade

Girl #1: She’s preg­nant? I thought she was on birth con­trol?
Girl #2: She still is.
Girl #1: Is­n’t that bad for the ba­by?
Girl #2: Not re­al­ly, all that will hap­pen is if it’s a boy, it will start look­ing more like a girl…
Girl #1: That’s messed up.

Bath­room Stall, Nut­ty Irish­man Bar
Farm­ing­dale, New York

Over­heard by: Jen­nifer

…That Woman Is Fi Fie Foe Fine!

Crew mem­ber to friends: Oh, the gay cooks are noth­ing. I mean, yeah, they can have their fem­i­nine touch­es, but if you want re­al weird, you need An­gela.
Friend: An­gela? She sounds nice!
Crew mem­ber: She’s head of se­cu­ri­ty. She’s two me­ters tall, and you need to take a step back be­fore you can iden­ti­fy her as a woman.
Friend: Sure­ly she’s not that ug­ly?
Crew mem­ber: Oh look, there she is.
Friend: Oh my god!

Gent Jazz fes­ti­val
Bel­gium

You’ll No­tice That Your Test Book­lets Come Equipped with Con­doms and Lube

Teacher: Okay, so the on­line quiz is up. You have a week to com­plete it, in your own time. I sug­gest, even en­cour­age, you to bring your lap­tops and get to­geth­er with your friends and have an “on­line quiz par­ty”. Last year we had stu­dents throw­ing “on­line quiz or­gies” but that’s an­oth­er sto­ry.

Grif­fith Uni­ver­si­ty
Aus­tralia