Surprise!

Shopper, examining fish: So, have you had any perverts coming in here yet?
Shop assistant: No… Not yet.

Edinburgh
Scotland

Overheard by: Lena

At the Hermaphroditic Contortionist Children's Support Group

Five-year-old girl, pointing at store window: Balls!
Young mom: That's right honey, those are balls, but you ate your balls, huh?
Five-year-old girl: I ate my balls!

Buffalo, New York

You Try Getting Vaginal Juice and Chocolate Sauce Out of Shag

Lesbian: You might think I’m weird, but what if we put in rubber floors?
Girlfriend: Um, no. [Lesbian #1 stalks off toward drywall materials, muttering under her breath.]

Home Depot
Plymouth Meeting, Pennsylvania

Just As a Conversation Piece, Y'know?

Hipster: You're buying an Ethiopian? I did that once.

Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Tickle Feet

Why Undocumented Immigrant Surrogates Exist

Sloppily-dressed teen girl to another: Do you know how many new outfits I would have to buy to carry a baby around for nine months?

Sam Houston State University
Huntsville, Texas

They Don't Tell Me to Burn Things! I Swear!

Customer: Hi, I'd like to return these pants.
Store manager: Can I ask why?
Customer: The pants talk.
Store manager: (…)
Customer, frantically: I mean, they pop! They pop!

Burnsville, Minnesota

Overheard by: I had to return a pair of talking pants once too

Would You Mind Taking a Picture Of Us With It?

[A young woman in a wetsuit and a young man in normal clothing are standing near the packaged meats.]Female employee: Can I help you with anything?
Young woman: Oh, no thanks, we’re just admiring the bacon.
Female employee: Oh. Okay! Have a nice day!

Vons
Ventura, California

Just Like the Tag Promises!

Older lady: This purse is perfect! It has two outside pockets! One for my phone and one for my teeth!

TJ Maxx
Atlanta, Georgia

Overheard by: Interesting Use for a Purse Pocket

It Isn't Easy Buying Green.

Guy: So I got there, and they were out of the green ones, so I had to get two of the green ones to get one of the green ones!

Nikki's Cafe
Beloit, Wisconsin

Ten Bucks Says She Has a Daughter Who's Single

Lady to man putting bagels in a bag: Are you getting those because you are Jewish?

Whole Foods
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: jigawhat