I Don’t Like Feel­ing Ex­ot­ic

Lit­tle girl to moth­er: I al­ways get weird­ed out when we come to Asian mar­kets.
Mom: Why is that?
Lit­tle girl: Be­cause there are so many Asian peo­ple in one place!
Mom: Why is that weird?

Uwa­ji­maya
Seat­tle, Wash­ing­ton

Over­heard by: Ko­ley

…So I’m Afraid I’ll Have to De­cline Your Of­fer.

Ma­cy’s sales clerk: Now this cologne is $19.99 for the large bot­tle and comes with the free ted­dy bear.
Large woman spilling out of leop­ard-print tube top, sniff­ing: This is nice… It’s re­al classy smelling.

Rich­mond, Vir­ginia

Over­heard by: I don’t dis­crim­i­nate; I hate every­body.

One Of These Days, We Should Get a Dog.

Woman on cell: No no no…I haven’t been do­ing much shop­ping at all. The on­ly thing I’ve bought is a fur dog col­lar. It was on­ly $300!

Park City, Utah

Which Is Much More Im­por­tant Than Send­ing Her to School

Woman on cell: I saw the most adorable lit­tle chee­tah, so I bought it for her. You know, I am the one who as­signs per­son­al­i­ties to all her an­i­mals. We have a rit­u­al.

3rd Street Prom­e­nade
San­ta Mon­i­ca, Cal­i­for­nia

I’m Too Tired to Hold My Sphinc­ters Shut

Girl: We need to go steal more di­a­pers from Tar­get.

Texas Chris­t­ian Uni­ver­si­ty
Fort Worth, Texas

Nev­er Take That Op­tion Off the Ta­ble

Old man push­ing shop­ping cart, singing hap­pi­ly to him­self: Maybe I should get an 8‑mil­lion-dol­lar law­suit against my own fam­i­ly!

Seat­tle, Wash­ing­ton

For Peo­ple’s Pet Rocks.

Passer­by to friend (ex­cit­ed­ly): We should so sell bot­tled dirt!

KSU
Man­hat­tan, Kansas

Over­heard by: Nicole

We Have No Words for This Quote.

Woman: Do you have the book How to Fix Your Mar­riage with­out Words?
Salesla­dy: Sor­ry, it looks like we don’t have that in stock right now.
Woman: Fuck!

Seat­tle, Wash­ing­ton

Over­heard by: Tay­lor

…The Fifth Be­ing My Black­ber­ry.

Stu­dent sell­ing pink rib­bon bracelets: Pro­fes­sor, would you like to buy some bracelets? They’re for a good cause.
Pro­fes­sor: Sure, I’ll take five. One for each ap­pendage.

Philadel­phia, Penn­syl­va­nia

Was­n’t This an Ala­nis Moris­sette Song?

Man walk­ing down the street: I or­dered a dress on­line and got a rain­coat.

Philadel­phia, Penn­syl­va­nia

Over­heard by: Lau­ra