Old man pushing shopping cart, singing happily to himself: Maybe I should get an 8‑million-dollar lawsuit against my own family!
Seattle, Washington
Archive for the ‘Shopping’ Category
For People’s Pet Rocks.
Passerby to friend (excitedly): We should so sell bottled dirt!
KSU
Manhattan, Kansas
Overheard by: Nicole
We Have No Words for This Quote.
Woman: Do you have the book How to Fix Your Marriage without Words?
Saleslady: Sorry, it looks like we don’t have that in stock right now.
Woman: Fuck!
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Taylor
…The Fifth Being My Blackberry.
Student selling pink ribbon bracelets: Professor, would you like to buy some bracelets? They’re for a good cause.
Professor: Sure, I’ll take five. One for each appendage.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Wasn’t This an Alanis Morissette Song?
Man walking down the street: I ordered a dress online and got a raincoat.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Laura
Surprise!
Shopper, examining fish: So, have you had any perverts coming in here yet?
Shop assistant: No… Not yet.
Edinburgh
Scotland
Overheard by: Lena
At the Hermaphroditic Contortionist Children’s Support Group
Five-year-old girl, pointing at store window: Balls!
Young mom: That’s right honey, those are balls, but you ate your balls, huh?
Five-year-old girl: I ate my balls!
Buffalo, New York
You Try Getting Vaginal Juice and Chocolate Sauce Out of Shag
Lesbian: You might think I’m weird, but what if we put in rubber floors?
Girlfriend: Um, no. [Lesbian #1 stalks off toward drywall materials, muttering under her breath.]
Home Depot
Plymouth Meeting, Pennsylvania
Just As a Conversation Piece, Y’know?
Hipster: You’re buying an Ethiopian? I did that once.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Tickle Feet
Why Undocumented Immigrant Surrogates Exist
Sloppily-dressed teen girl to another: Do you know how many new outfits I would have to buy to carry a baby around for nine months?
Sam Houston State University
Huntsville, Texas
