Archive for the ‘Skinny people’ Category

I Was Like, “Sor­ry, I’m Try­ing to Cut Down”

Skin­ny guy: He’s com­ing to the par­ty tonight? Was­n’t he hit­ting on your girl­friend last time?
Big burly beard­ed guy: No, she texted me last night. She talked to his room­mate: turns out he was­n’t invit­ing her to a three­some ’cause he likes her. He was invit­ing us to a four­some ’cause he likes me.


‘Cause Then She Took One of My Legs and Snapped It

Skin­ny girl: My room­mate’s nuts. We got in­to an­oth­er fight.
Tall girl: Oh, God, what is it now? She’s mad again ’cause you don’t rinse every drop of tooth­paste out of the sink, right?
Skin­ny girl: No, it’s the may­on­naise! The fuck­ing may­on­naise! She ac­cused me of eat­ing it! Just the plain mayo, not on a sand­wich or any­thing. I looked at her and told her, ‘Lis­ten, bitch, I don’t eat mayo. I’m anorex­ic.’ She’s ac­cus­ing me of hav­ing no self con­trol!
Tall girl: So, what hap­pened then?
Skin­ny girl: I was drunk, so I threw the mayo out our front door and said, ‘Ha! Now no one can eat it!’ I don’t think that helped the sit­u­a­tion at all.

George Her­man’s
Char­lotte, North Car­oli­na

To Be Fair, at Least She Won’t Be a Cop.

Fat fe­male stu­dent: I’m thir­ty-eight years old with a crim­i­nal jus­tice de­gree, and I still can’t find noth­in’ to do in this val­ley. No­body’s hirin’, noth­in’.
Skin­ny fe­male stu­dent: Could­n’t you just be a cop?
Fat fe­male stu­dent: I can’t be a cop. They give me a badge an’ a gun, I’d be shootin’ at fags and wet­backs. I mean, in this day in age… Not to be rude or any­thing…

West Vir­ginia Uni­ver­si­ty