Archive for the ‘Smokers’ Category

Imag­ine That.

Smokin’ hot Fil­ip­ina girl­friend: My friend said that I should use Pho­to­shop and imag­i­na­tion to do this. I have Pho­to­shop, but where can I get imag­i­na­tion? I’ve nev­er heard of it.
White boyfriend: You’re kid­ding me, right?
Smokin’ hot Fil­ip­ina girl­friend: What?
White boyfriend: There is no soft­ware called “imag­i­na­tion.” Just use your imag­i­na­tion. Duh!
Smokin’ hot Fil­ip­ina girl­friend: You’re so not get­ting a blowjob tonight.

Toron­to
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: The white boyfriend

You Have a Friend Named “Half­breed”?

Smok­er girl: How did you get that scrape on your arm?
Inked boy: Well, TJ picked me up in the park­ing lot the oth­er night af­ter the club, like lit­er­al­ly, picked me up and car­ried me over to Half­breed, and threw me to him, but Half­breed did­n’t know what was go­ing on and so we both fell over.
Smok­er girl: Ouch.
Inked boy: So ap­par­ent­ly, all it takes to knock him down is a hun­dred-thir­ty-five pound Ital­ian pro­jec­tile sur­prise.
Smok­er girl: Do you stay awake at night think­ing of these lit­tle quips? Or do they just come to you in mo­ments of ge­nius?
Inked boy: No, I thought of it that night. I’ve just been wait­ing to use it.

Prov­i­dence, Rhode Is­land

Bot­tom Line: It Tastes Like Shit.

Guy: You!
Smok­ing, un­sus­pect­ing girl: Me? What’d I do?
Guy: Do you know how lone­ly it’s been since you and Dave* quit smok­ing? Then every­one start­ed to quit! And now you’re smok­ing again?! At first it was all cute: “Awwww, Emi­ly and Dave* are quit­ting to­geth­er! They’re like each oth­er’s rocks!” Then what hap­pened?!
Smok­ing girl, sheep­ish­ly: We sunk.
Guy: And was it your idea for Dave to start rolling his own cig­a­rettes?!
Smok­ing girl: Yes…
Guy, ex­as­per­at­ed: Every time I ask him for a cig­a­rette, it’s like smok­ing a di­a­per!

New Jer­sey