Hipster: I want to start spitting, so I’ve decided to take up smoking.
Canadia
Archive for the ‘Smoking’ Category
And Let’s Get Some Chewing Tobacco to Spit
Girl, to two guys smoking in a bar: Oh my gosh! Smoking? Gross! (walks away, disgusted)
Guy #1: You wanna follow her and smoke?
Guy #2: Hell yeah, I do.
Denver, Colorado
Okay, You Don’t Have to Show Me.
Grandson, watching grandmother hold cigar as if it was a joint: If grandma takes off her bra and burns it, I’m gonna freak out.
Grandma: Oh, Simon! I’m not wearing one.
Spencer, Iowa
And They’re Less Of a Drag
Hobo walking out of convenience store, tapping a pack of cigarettes to his hobo lady: I don’t need you anymore. I got cigarettes.
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Matt
You Wanna Do That, the Army’s Recruiting Right Down the Block
Customer having lunch: Can I smoke at this table?
Waitress: Honey, you’re in Nevada. You can smoke, gamble, drink, screw and cuss. Just don’t kill nobody!
Bucket of Blood Saloon
Virgina City, Nevada
Overheard by: Philly Joe
Oh, Right: “I’m a Smoker Now.”
Guy #1: Dude, how do you blow smoke rings!
Guy #2 jokingly: It is the same as sucking dick.
Guy #1: Oh, okay! (blows smoke rings effortlessly)
Guy #2: Do you need to tell me something, man?
Hookah Bar
Colorado Springs, Colorado
But It Makes a Cool Gurgling Sound
10-year-old boy to another: Yeah, if you smoke it that way you can still get cancer. But if you smoke it through a water bong… yeah, about the same.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Lauren
None Of Them Are Filtered
Teen gangsta wannabe yelling to small boy on playground: No, I wasn’t, I don’t smoke! He was just transferring the smoke to my mouth! (pause) Never mind! I’m not gay!
Park
Cincinnati, Ohio
Burned My Eyebrows Off More Than Once
Girl #1: It’s like those candy cigarettes you used to get at Halloween. It teaches kids bad principles.
Girl #2: Those taste like crap anyway.
Guy: Yeah, and they never catch.
Boone, North Carolina
Not Until We Get a Few Things Straight in the Will
Old lady hooked up to portable oxygen machine: I need a cigarette!
Grandkids: Grandma, nooo!
Restaurant
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: martha
