I’m Still Not Shar­ing with You.

Girl: Don’t wor­ry, I won’t be lone­ly tonight. I’ve got a date with a grav­i­ty bong.
Ston­er guy: … That’s, like, the sweet­est thing I’ve ever heard.

Sacra­men­to, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Megan­Ma­ma

We Pre­fer ‘Hoboes’– but Thanks for the Weed!

Ston­er #1: The oth­er day I saw this home­less guy, and I felt bad, and I had just bought a stack, so I gave him some weed. He was like: “Thank you very much.“
Ston­er #2: Are you se­ri­ous?
Ston­er #1: Yeah. I don’t care what any­body says, that was the most down shit ever. I fuck­ing love bums.

Chi­no, Cal­i­for­nia

Un­less It’s a Naughty Nurse

Stoned frat boy: I have this aver­sion with talk­ing to den­tists… or re­al­ly any­one who wants to help me with my gen­er­al health.

SUNY Gene­seo
New York

Over­heard by: Jeni

In Kansas, Recre­ation­al Eat­ing Goes Ex­treme

Ston­er #1: … And it burned the whole way down! Se­ri­ous­ly, I think my throat he­m­or­rhaged.
Ston­er #2: Well at least you did­n’t eat nine bowls of pud­ding.

Kansas State Uni­ver­si­ty, Man­hat­tan

Over­heard by: I wish I heard the be­gin­ning…

If All We’re Gonna Do Is Fall Down Them

Stoned guy: Stairs are re­al­ly dan­ger­ous!
Stoned girl: Yeah! I don’t know why we have them…

Vas­sar Col­lege
Pough­keep­sie, New York

When You Live in Your Par­ents’ Base­ment Apart­ment

Cashier: Bird­seed, one lemon, a bot­tle of toi­let bowl cleanser, and a pack­age of ba­con?
Stoned surfer dude: Yeah, man. It’s amaz­ing how lit­tle you re­al­ly need in life.

San Diego, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Ori­on QP

Sung to the Tune of “Camp­town Races”

Ston­er girl: My camel toe looks like an an­gry clam!

Athens, Geor­gia

Over­heard by: Huh?

Ex­plo­sive Phos­pho­rous Di­ar­rhea Re­al­ly Lights Up Pub­lic Trans­port

Stoned frat boy: That’s some il­lu­mi­nat­ing shit!

Oak­land-Pitts­burgh
Penn­syl­va­nia

Over­heard by: the girl in the front of the bus

You Need a Day Plan­ner!

Stressed friend: Hur­ry up!
Ston­er: Wait, I just need to brush my teeth.
Stressed friend: Brush your teeth?! You’re go­ing to see your mom and then your deal­er! You do not need to brush your teeth!

Stock­holm
Swe­den

Over­heard by: mag­nus

The Op­ti­mum Con­di­tion for Re­li­gious In­struc­tion

Guy #1: Dude, you look tired to­day.
Guy #2: Nope, just stoned.
Guy #1: Oh, true.

Re­li­gion class, All Saints High School
Whit­by, On­tario
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: fresh­man whis­per­er