Mother to teen daughter: And then you, me, and your aunt can mount the pillow like last time.
Wal-Mart
Augusta, Georgia
Overheard by: Annissa
Mother to teen daughter: And then you, me, and your aunt can mount the pillow like last time.
Wal-Mart
Augusta, Georgia
Overheard by: Annissa
Guy on cell at register: I know! I know! So listen — when you first meet him, go up to him, bow, whip your own chopsticks, and tell him you would like to procreate with him.
Dick’s Sporting Goods
Fairfax, Virginia
Overheard by: Cashier who needed the laugh
Mom gripping three kids by their collars with one hand while pointing with each word at each kid with her other hand: I. Don’t. Want. To. Hear. Another. Word. About. Sticking. Something. Up. Your. Asses!
Toy aisle, Wal-Mart
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: keller-wish i’d gotten there fifteen seconds earlier
Peasant husband in bookshop, holding up book: Hey, look at this!
Peasant wife: That’s the problem with books, they make you do things.
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Girl to friend: I need some cute shirts that I can just throw on and like…jerk off in.
H&M
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: XT
Boyfriend, to girlfriend who has just ripped ass: Ugh! Baby! No, don’t just walk away and leave me standing here, you can’t just crop dust like that!
Target
Overland Park, Kansas
Tall, skinny kid: He’s…like…suspiciously Asian.
Tall skinny friend: That’s what I thought too!
Arby’s
Tempe, Arizona
Teenage girl to friend: And then he stuck his finger up my butt, and said “Oh, yeah, do you like that, babe?“
Friend: See, there you go. If you don’t sit a guy down and tell him not to go up your butt, he will. Look at you, you’re butt-fingered.
Subway Store
Maitland
Australia
New dad: Look! These clothes are cute. Oh, look at this dress!
New mum: You have a boy, not a girl!
Department Store
Melbourne
Australia
Guy on computer: Fuck, I always forget my student e‑mail password.
Girl: Why?
Guy: I’ve always used the same password for everything for years but when I tried it on blackboard it was all “oh, you can’t have ‘gay’ in your password.”
Library
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: Who uses
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist