Oh Honey, We Feel You.

Little boy, desperately: I need to get out of here!

Kohl’s Fitting Rooms
Georgia

Overheard by: Iris

I Leave the Details to My Subordinates

Girl on cell: What do you want? I’m in a fucking dressing room… Oh yeah, I guess there was a stabbing earlier… What? It’s not like I was the one stabbing people!

1576 NE Halsey
Portland, Oregon

Overheard by: really?

For the Same Reason I Like Tightly-Wrapped Christmas Presents

(a couple at the checkout counter buying nylons)
Girl: I’m really excited for these tights.
Guy (excessively excited): Me too!

Halifax
Nova Scotia
Canadia

Tell Their Pimp What You’re Into, and Find Out.

Guy in jumper: What do hermit crabs actually do?

Pet Shop
Australia

Overheard by: Stunned

Would You Mind Taking a Picture Of Us With It?

[A young woman in a wetsuit and a young man in normal clothing are standing near the packaged meats.]Female employee: Can I help you with anything?
Young woman: Oh, no thanks, we’re just admiring the bacon.
Female employee: Oh. Okay! Have a nice day!

Vons
Ventura, California

Warren Beatty Should Stop Having Work Done

Tall, skinny kid: He’s…like…suspiciously Asian.
Tall skinny friend: That’s what I thought too!

Arby’s
Tempe, Arizona

Is My Widdle Boy Gonna Asphyxiatey-watey?

Mom, giving toddler a stocking: That’ll keep you quiet for a minute. [Toddler starts stretching it over his face.] Awww, that’s so cute. Are you gonna go rob a bank?

DSW Shoes
New Jersey

Overheard by: Unburdened shoe shopper

Quiz: Which Of These Statements Is True About Audrina from The Hills?

Guy #1, shocked and angry: Dude, she’s autistic!
Guy #2: Yeah! But she’s a full functioning autistic, so fuck you for judging.

Ikea
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Ferdinand

The Correct Answer: Whatever You Want — I Love You

Woman: I told you, I will not use Downy fabric softener ever again. Pick something else!
Boyfriend: What? ‘Cause it says ‘April Fresh’? Oh, come on!
Woman: I don’t want anything with your ex-girlfriend’s name on it. I’m not gonna be reminded of April every damn time I do laundry.

Big 8 Grocery Store
El Paso, Texas

Oh, Learn How to Spell.

Adult male to adult female and teen: You know what I told her? I says “you’re a cunt, with a capital K.”

Outside Skateboard Shop
Chattanooga, Tennessee