Archive for the ‘Stores’ Category

How Mrs. Bisbee Made the ‘Naughty’ List

Mom: I don’t know what I should get for him. He likes video games and that kind of stuff. I got him a GameCube last year and he loves it.
Five-year-old child (looks away from game display, shocked): But you told me Santa got me the GameCube!

Best Buy
Seattle, Washington

Behind the Wheel, Sure

Girl (reading inspirational quote): “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart.” (pause) Helen Keller. (to friend) Wasn’t she, like, a killer?

Indigo Bookstore
Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: Sunissa

Being a Contestant on The Price Is Right? Really?

Morbidly obese man: It’s like when you go dumpster-diving and find a whole bedroom set.

Wal-Mart
Gainesville, Florida

Overheard by: Andrea

Plastic Shoes with Holes in the Tops Make Much More Sense.

Girl #1, sifting through shirts on table: Oh my god, these v‑necks are so freaking cute.
Girl #2: Yeah…if this one didn’t have sharks on it. If there’s one thing I hate is sharks. Who puts sharks on shirts nowadays, anyway?

Urban Outfitters
San Francisco, California

They’re Right Next the Megavitamins, Which Also Don’t Work

Guy: I’m not going to stop and ask someone, “excuse me, where are your ray guns?”

CVS
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: ZB

Once He Walks Through JoAnn’s Door, a Man Starts to Die

Girlfriend, holding up scrapbook thing: Do you like this?
Boyfriend: Yeah, it’s nice.
Girlfriend: “It’s nice,” because it’s nice, or “it’s nice,” so we can get the fuck out of here?

JoAnn Fabrics and Crafts
Tacoma, Washington

Overheard by: baker98391

So Maybe She Needed Out-of-This-World Sex

Guy on cell: Yeah, I hooked up with her. [pause] I fucked her. She was tight. [pause] She hasn’t called me back. I don’t get why it’s so hard to take five seconds out of your day to see how I’m doing. [pause] She’s, like, Asian. Half Asian and half alien.

Barnes & Noble
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Hobo

Chances Are, Your Junk’s Not Going Anywhere ’til Puberty, Kiddo

Little boy, grabbing his crotch and jumping up and down: Gotcha! Gotcha! Gotcha!

Target
New Jersey

Overheard by: Jo

Hardly Worse Than Getting Dick-Poked Before Birth

[husband and wife are pushing stroller through the mall. Suddenly another man rushes up and picks the husband up, twirling him around while everyone cracks up]Man, looking over at child: Wow, that would be a really awkward first memory!

Spotsylvania Towne Centre
Fredericksburg, Virginia

Overheard by: That Girl In The Kiosk

With the Confucianism on the Side

Yoga lady: I mean, really: just give me the Eskimo sex, not the cannibalism.

Powell’s Bookstore
Portland, Oregon

Overheard by: kate

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