So That’s What the Pro­peller Beanie Is About

Row­dy child in shop­ping cart: Mom! What’s that?
Tired mom: Spam.
Row­dy child: Mom! Can we get it? Can we get it, mom? Mom? Can we? Mom!
Tired mom: No.
(row­dy child starts freak­ing out)
Tired mom: Okay! Fine, but will you eat it?
Row­dy child: Nope…I just like at­ten­tion.

Sobey’s
Toron­to, On­tario
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: aleX­is

When Life Gives You Av­o­ca­dos…

Check­er, as cus­tomer places av­o­ca­dos on the belt: Are these lemons?

Gro­cery Store
Cen­ter­ville, Utah

Over­heard by: JC

And Per­haps We’ll Hear the Pit­ter Pat­ter of Tiny Sheets

Moth­er to teen daugh­ter: And then you, me, and your aunt can mount the pil­low like last time.

Wal-Mart
Au­gus­ta, Geor­gia

Over­heard by: An­nis­sa

Every Coun­try Has Its Own Rules for Greet­ing Roy­al­ty

Guy on cell at reg­is­ter: I know! I know! So lis­ten — when you first meet him, go up to him, bow, whip your own chop­sticks, and tell him you would like to pro­cre­ate with him.

Dick­’s Sport­ing Goods
Fair­fax, Vir­ginia

Over­heard by: Cashier who need­ed the laugh

Fish­er-Price In­tro­duces the Back­yardi­gans Butt Plug

Mom grip­ping three kids by their col­lars with one hand while point­ing with each word at each kid with her oth­er hand: I. Don’t. Want. To. Hear. An­oth­er. Word. About. Stick­ing. Some­thing. Up. Your. Ass­es!

Toy aisle, Wal-Mart
Co­lum­bia, Mis­souri

Over­heard by: keller-wish i’d got­ten there fif­teen sec­onds ear­li­er

Bet­ter Than Be­ing Spine­less, I Guess.

Peas­ant hus­band in book­shop, hold­ing up book: Hey, look at this!
Peas­ant wife: That’s the prob­lem with books, they make you do things.

Leam­ing­ton Spa
Eng­land

Over­heard by: Bleep

And Pos­si­bly a Few Sex Hats

Girl to friend: I need some cute shirts that I can just throw on and like…jerk off in.

H&M
Boston, Mass­a­chu­setts

Over­heard by: XT

Well, It Was New to Us.

Boyfriend, to girl­friend who has just ripped ass: Ugh! Ba­by! No, don’t just walk away and leave me stand­ing here, you can’t just crop dust like that!

Tar­get
Over­land Park, Kansas

War­ren Beat­ty Should Stop Hav­ing Work Done

Tall, skin­ny kid: He’s…like…suspiciously Asian.
Tall skin­ny friend: That’s what I thought too!

Ar­by’s
Tempe, Ari­zona

Still, No­body Bet­ter Lay a Fin­ger on My But­tfin­ger­er

Teenage girl to friend: And then he stuck his fin­ger up my butt, and said “Oh, yeah, do you like that, babe?“
Friend: See, there you go. If you don’t sit a guy down and tell him not to go up your butt, he will. Look at you, you’re butt-fin­gered.

Sub­way Store
Mait­land
Aus­tralia