Archive for the ‘Stores’ Category

So Maybe She Need­ed Out-of-This-World Sex

Guy on cell: Yeah, I hooked up with her. [pause] I fucked her. She was tight. [pause] She has­n’t called me back. I don’t get why it’s so hard to take five sec­onds out of your day to see how I’m do­ing. [pause] She’s, like, Asian. Half Asian and half alien.

Barnes & No­ble
Los An­ge­les, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Hobo

Hard­ly Worse Than Get­ting Dick-Poked Be­fore Birth

[hus­band and wife are push­ing stroller through the mall. Sud­den­ly an­oth­er man rush­es up and picks the hus­band up, twirling him around while every­one cracks up]Man, look­ing over at child: Wow, that would be a re­al­ly awk­ward first mem­o­ry!

Spot­syl­va­nia Towne Cen­tre
Fred­er­icks­burg, Vir­ginia

Over­heard by: That Girl In The Kiosk

This Sea­son’s Most Un­like­ly Love Sto­ry

Girl, look­ing at video games: If I had a sword that pimp, I would just kill peo­ple all day and run around.
Boy fol­low­ing her: Girl, if you had a sword that pimp I would stop be­ing gay and make you stop to make love to me.
Girl, look­ing ap­palled: I’d be busy killing peo­ple, though.
Boy, mat­ter-of-fact­ly: Well… I’d make you stop every thir­teen kills.

Ran­dom Wal­mart
Boise, Ida­ho

Over­heard by: Bun­nee

Got My Own Per­son­al Trail Of Tears Over Here

Crazy old white la­dy try­ing on wed­ding veil: So I al­ways won­dered why I did­n’t look good in these things…until 2004.
Dis­in­ter­est­ed cus­tomer: Oh?
Crazy old white la­dy: Yeah, then I found out I was part Na­tive Amer­i­can. At least 5%.
Dis­in­ter­est­ed cus­tomer (con­fused): Oh…?
Crazy, old white la­dy: Yeah. That’s why I don’t look good in veils. Cause we Na­tive Amer­i­cans don’t wear them.
Dis­in­ter­est­ed cus­tomer: I got mar­ried in a cour­t­house.
Crazy old white la­dy: I hate to say it since I am part white, but damn those white peo­ple!

Good­will
Al­toona, Penn­syl­va­nia