Ditzy woman: It would look more like Australia if it was an island, because Australia is an island… right?
Ditzy woman’s daughter: I think that’s the smartest thing that’s ever been said in my presence.
Ditzy woman: Well, somebody in this family has to be brilliant.
Four-year-old boy: Dogs are kinda like vampires because they both have pointy teeth.
Harrisburg, Illinois
Girl #1: He stabbed me in the face, but he awright.
Girl #2: (unintelligible)
Girl #1: Yeah! It’s like he don’t care about my well-being.
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Guy: Obviously, you’ve never been to Singapore.
Girl: Obviously, you’ve never pleased a woman.
Capitol Hill
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: bethany
Environmental science teacher: What, in your opinion, is the most pressing environmental issue our planet faces today?
Clueless redhead, raising hand unsurely: Is it… The birds?
Environmental science teacher: Excuse me?
Clueless redhead: Isn’t there something up with birds? Like, aren’t they dying or something?
Environmental science teacher: Um… Thousands of different animals are dying…
Clueless redhead: Oh. I thought it was just birds.
High School
Los Angeles, California
Student #1, viewing political cartoons of Egypt: There’s a face on that rock!
Student #2: Because it’s the sphynx!
New Hampshire
Not-very-smooth guy to attractive woman at bar: I just want to see it! I promise I won’t touch your vagina.
Tallahassee, Florida
Student #1: The professor wanted us to list our ten favorite books.
Student #2: So?
Student #1: All I could think of was “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie.”
East Carolina University
Greenville, North Carolina
Ditzy teen girl to ditzy friend: Oh my god! I would never be able to live with myself if I died before I lost my virginity!
High School
Springwood
Australia
Professor: Okay, let’s review. What’s it called when you put geological events in sequential order?
Basketball star #1: Calligraphy!
Basketball star #2: Naw dude, that’s writing.
Basketball star #1: Oh yeah…that’s what the Egyptians did, huh?
Basketball star #2: Naw, that’s hieroglyphics, man.
Professor: The answer is “stratigraphy.” Let’s move on quickly.
Geology 101
Mesa, Arizona
Overheard by: YeahKey
Puzzled teen: I swear I’ve never seen so much math on a napkin before.
Women’s Bathroom, Wynkoop Brewery
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Bathroom Goer
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
