Long Sto­ry Short, We Got Toys, Moth­er­fuck­er!

Act­ing pro­fes­sor: We just tweaked a few things to make it Christ­massy and kid­napped San­ta.

Point Park Uni­ver­si­ty
Pitts­burgh, Penn­syl­va­nia

Over­heard by: ZB

A Can­dy-Ass?

Pro­fes­sor with Smar­ties taped to pants: Any­one wan­na take a guess at what my cos­tume is?
Girl in back: Fire­fight­er!

Uni­ver­si­ty of Delaware
Delaware

Ge­og­ra­phy One: Self-Aware­ness Ze­ro

Pro­fes­sor: The best time to study ge­og­ra­phy is in the morn­ing af­ter you’ve done the “walk of shame.” It will help you to keep your mind off of what you’ve done.” (cracks up) That’s good shit.

Ge­og­ra­phy Class­room
Michi­gan State

When All Along I Was Thor, God Of Thun­der!

Pro­fes­sor: And you thought I was some geeky wanker, go­ing on about agri­cul­ture!

East­ern Michi­gan Uni­ver­si­ty

You Know… Down There

An­thro­pol­o­gy pro­fes­sor teach­ing Sex and Gen­der: I’m afraid I’ll have to leave class ear­ly today…I have to go to the hos­pi­tal, I have a doc­tor’s appointment…for something…at a cer­tain time…

West­ern Wash­ing­ton Uni­ver­si­ty
Belling­ham, Wash­ing­ton

Should­n’t This Be Eleven­teen

Sta­tis­tics pro­fes­sor writ­ing on board: I’ll leave the num­bers out be­cause I al­ways get them wrong any­way.

Uni­ver­si­ty of Chica­go
Illi­nois

Over­heard by: too ear­ly for this class

God Bless the USA!

Eng­lish pro­fes­sor: “My wife, Bob, is preg­nant.” Polygamy, preg­nant men, gay marriage–it’s got it all!

Uni­ver­si­ty of Rock Coun­ty
Wis­con­sin

Over­heard by: Aku

Us­ing a Venus Ra­zor Does Not Make You a God­dess, Ms. Pratt

Eng­lish teacher: It’s a big re­spon­si­bil­i­ty to be a god­dess, it trou­bles me all the time.

A.C. Flo­ra High School
Co­lum­bia, South Car­oli­na

Here, I’m Us­ing Sar­casm to Make a Teach­ing Point

Po­lit­i­cal sci­ence pro­fes­sor: Our pres­i­dent is black. Some of you may have no­ticed this. Some of you prob­a­bly haven’t yet.

Cal­i­for­nia State Uni­ver­si­ty
San Mar­cos, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: I knew it

Ac­cord­ing to This For­tune Cook­ie

Pro­fes­sor: You don’t want to have a thin-skinned Prime Min­is­ter who’s afraid of puf­fin poo.

Uni­ver­si­ty of Ot­tawa
Cana­dia