And Get Your Desks Out Of That V For­ma­tion

Teacher: Sit the fuck down and stop act­ing like a bird!

High School Class­room
En­gle­wood, Col­orado

What Is It About Three Mea­sures of Cen­tral Ten­den­cy on a Clean Sheet?

Prof: I like to click on the de­scrip­tive sta­tis­tics check­box in or­der to plea­sure my­self!

Ball State Uni­ver­si­ty
Muncie, In­di­ana

Over­heard by: Can’t be­lieve she said that

But It’s Just a Cor­nish Game Hen

Pro­fes­sor: It must seem like I’m beat­ing you over the head with a frozen chick­en breast.

Hart­ford, Con­necti­cut

Over­heard by: Claire

If You Have Fur­ther In­ter­est, You Can Sign Up for My Pu­bic His­to­ry Class This Spring

Pro­fes­sor, dis­cussing an 18th cen­tu­ry paint­ing: Now, it is im­por­tant to re­mem­ber that at this time women did not wear panties. This is a beaver shot par ex­cel­lence!

San José State Uni­ver­si­ty
Cal­i­for­nia

Ex­cept That Do­natel­lo Would Nev­er Leave You Dan­gling

Teacher: See, ad­jec­tives are bor­ing old tur­tles.
Stu­dents: Uh­hh.
Teacher: But par­tici­ples are like Teenage Mu­tant Nin­ja Tur­tles!

Mar­shall High School
Vir­ginia

Over­heard by: amused stu­dent.…

If You’d Like to Know How Sound Car­ries, Con­sult the School Nurse

Bi­ol­o­gy teacher: [bad­ly draws a woman singing in­to a mi­cro­phone, which looks sus­pi­cious­ly like a woman about to give head] If you take this, for ex­am­ple…
[class laughs]Biology teacher: [steps away from board and sees what class is laugh­ing about] Uh…[erases draw­ing]… We’re just not go­ing to draw to­day.

Con­necti­cut

A Pub­lic Ser­vice Warn­ing for All Ed­u­ca­tion Ma­jors at Smith

Ed­u­ca­tion pro­fes­sor: Marsh­mal­lows are not alive… are they?

Smith Col­lege
Northamp­ton, Mass­a­chu­setts

Where Do You Think Elec­tron­i­ca Comes From?

Teacher: You know, I’ve nev­er known two teenage boys that want­ed to be locked in a sound­proof room to­geth­er be­fore.

Es­cuela Cam­po Ale­gre Cara­cas
Venezuela

Over­heard by: Jil­lian

But You’re Our Span­ish Teacher

White teacher: Time to yell grades! These are the good ones: Smith, Jame­son, De-Je­sus…
Asian kid, whis­per­ing to friend: Is­n’t it sup­posed to be De­ge­sis?
White kid, to teacher: Did you just say ‘De-Je­sus’?
White teacher: I’m white.

Co­lum­bia, New York

Over­heard by: Fa­ther Ser­aph

I’ve Nev­er Felt So Alive!

Male pro­fes­sor, in a very girly voice: Aaaah­hh! I’m be­ing tram­pled by sea hors­es.

UMass
Amherst, Mass­a­chu­setts