Professor: What does 95% confidence mean?
Weird kid: It means there are 95 parallel universes between the values!
Professor: Well I don't know about that.
Kalamazoo, Michigan
Archive for the ‘Teachers’ Category
Can't Answer. Crashing.
Skinny boy at the back of the classroom: I had a Pop-Tart for breakfast!
Teacher, horrified: Why? Oh my god, why?!
Middle School
North Carolina
It's Even Worse in Chicago.
8th grade health teacher, answering why you can't put a condom on when you're not erect: So…um, when it's not hard, it's just like there, you know, flapping in the wind…
Silver Spring, Maryland
Overheard by: nice thought…
The More Absurd It Is, the Better. Like Christianity
Gym teacher, during stretches: If you do it this way, it makes it easier and also more challenging.
Henry Wise Wood High School
Calgary
Canadia
Case in Point
Student: Well, sometimes you ask questions that have answers that might not be the answer you are looking for!
Professor: Are you calling me fat?
Michigan State University, Michigan
And What Kind Of a Lame-Ass Answer Is “Energy”?
Tutor: So what are some things you associate with lemons?
Student #1: Yellow!
Student #2: Energy!
Student #3: Gin-an-tonic!
Tutor: What? Genitalia? Who said genitalia?
Massey University
Wellington
New Zealand
After a Nasty Court Battle, She Got the Egg Back
Crazy English professor: Now, Herrick — his poems are like eggs… I used to have an ostrich egg… I knew the ostrich, too… Not that it makes any difference.
Birmingham-Southern College
Birmingham, Alabama
Overheard by: poetrywhat?
How'd You Know?!
Student: I was wondering what my grade is.
Instructor (after consulting grade book): You have 312 points out of 500.
Student: So that's like, what, a “b?”
Instructor: Are you failing math too?
MCCKC
Independence, Missouri
Overheard by: Not failing math
No Australian Is One Of Those
Maths teacher: Girls, what you need to do is try and think like a mathematician.
Student: Why, miss? We're not mathematicians.
Maths teacher: Yes, you are. Whenever you do maths, you're a mathematician.
Student: What about when we're in English class? Does that make us engleticians?
Australia
On an Unrelated Note, Never Put Together a Lecture During Happy Hour
Professor: The French lords were so disbelieving. It was like your favorite puppy going ‘Rawr, rawr, rawr!’ and taking a chunk out of your arm — they were just like, ‘Huh? What?’
Burdine Hall, University of Texas
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: she actually growled