…But Be­fore I Start to Spoil

16-year-old girl #1: I wan­na wait to have kids, you know? But I don’t wan­na be old or any­thing. I think like 19 or some­thin.
16-year-old girl #2: Yeah. Os­car wants to knock me up and I’m like “no bitch, I don’t even have a li­cense yet.” We’re think­ing af­ter I turn 18.

Los An­ge­les, Cal­i­for­nia

They Fi­nal­ly Set­tled on the Nike Swish

Teenage guy to an­oth­er: Did­n’t they want to name their kid some­thing weird, like “ques­tion mark?”

Brighton, Mass­a­chu­setts

Over­heard by: L‑Dawg

Even­tu­al­ly We Worked Out a Time­share Sit­u­a­tion

Girl: So this girl was like: “I want half your pants!”

Hazel­wood West High School
Floris­sant, Mis­souri

Over­heard by: Melis­sa

So It’s Like­ly He’s Very Drunk.

Lit­tle girl: He’s drunk, I swear!
Teenage sis­ter: He’s not drunk, he’s a for­eign­er.

High­lands Ranch, Col­orado

Over­heard by: Ju­lia

…Since I Ac­cept­ed Homer Simp­son As My Per­son­al Sav­ior

Teenage girl #1: He hates me.
Teenage girl #2: He does­n’t hate you. Maybe you should just say “hi” to him.
Teenage girl #1: How am I sup­posed to say “hi”? I have voic­es in my head say­ing “I want cheese­burg­ers”!

Can­ber­ra
Aus­tralia

“Tul­sa” Spelled Back­wards Is “a Slut”– Co­in­ci­dence?

Teen girl to friend: I’m too sexy for my vul­va.

Tul­sa, Ok­la­homa

I’ve Prac­ticed on My Life­sized “Sev­en of Nine” Doll

Nerdy teen #1: So you just sort of put your hands down her pants and rub up be­hind her.
Nerdy teen #2 (nod­ding): Yeah. I know what you mean.

Van­cou­ver
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: ilove­hol­i­days

Lone­ly Old Peo­ple Will An­swer to Any­thing

Boy, to teenage girl: Hi, Lisa.
Old man, en­ter­ing: Hi.

Cafe
Eu­gene, Ore­gon

I Named My Cat “Ve­luti­nous.”

Teenage queer: How do you say ‘fluffy’ in sci­ence?
Ran­dom young boy: Fluffol­o­gy?
Pret­ty woman: What?
Teenage queer: Ve­luti­nous?
Ran­dom young boy: Oh, that’s sci­encey.

Au­ro­ra
On­tario
Cana­dia

They’ll Tell Us What to Do

Teen, hear­ing that IBM com­put­er “Wat­son” is win­ning at Jeop­ardy: That makes me so hap­py! We have ro­bot over­lords!

Itha­ca, New York