Drunk woman: … And that’s how my parents hooked up! My dad was a drunk dialer!
Outside George’s
Waco, Texas
Archive for the ‘Texas’ Category
You Have the Hairbrushes, Right?
Girl, wearing leather pants and high heels, pushing a cart containing D batteries, duct tape, and huge bag of rice, on cell: I don’t know why he’s so smug, I told him what I would do to him if I caught him again. [pause] Okay, well I’ve almost got everything I need, I’ll be right over.
Wal-Mart
Lufkin, Texas
Overheard by: wtf?
They Wear Silly Clothing and Nothing Much Happens?
Professor, in regards to nationalism in film: Now what makes a film “British”?
Valedictorian: They all speak British?
University of Texas
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Adam
How You Know It’s Time to Cancel Your Cinemax Subscription
Four-year-old girl skipping down aisle, singing: Penis, penis, tickle, tickle, penis.
Wal-Mart
Carrollton, Texas
Overheard by: Iron Cowgirl
The Best I Can Do Is Some Croutons and a Spanking
Drunk girl: I hope I get my ass kicked for eating this salad!
Houston, Texas
Clap If You Believe She’ll Regret This
Female student #1: What does your tattoo mean?
Female student #2: Courage.
Female student #1: I want to get a tattoo!
Female student #2: What do you want to get?
Female student #1: Across my back I want a fairy… wearing lingerie.
Female student #2: Oh… Okay… That would be nice…
Houston Community College
Houston, Texas
Damn, Girl, You Got That Christian Stuff Down
Biotech on cell: Oh my god, she is so stupid! She goes home all the freaking time. Like, just last weekend she had to go home for her dying friend.
Texas Christian University
Fort Worth, Texas
Should We Really Drink to That?
Girl to friend: I'm not an alcoholic.
Friend: I'm not an alcoholic, either.
Girl: Cheers to us not being alcoholics!
Austin, Texas
The Correct Answer: Whatever You Want — I Love You
Woman: I told you, I will not use Downy fabric softener ever again. Pick something else!
Boyfriend: What? ‘Cause it says ‘April Fresh’? Oh, come on!
Woman: I don’t want anything with your ex-girlfriend’s name on it. I’m not gonna be reminded of April every damn time I do laundry.
Big 8 Grocery Store
El Paso, Texas
Implant It There, If You Will
Woman on cell: So I told him to quit being a titty and put it in the backseat.
Amarillo, Texas
Overheard by: Flossy Jossie