Random board gamer: Settlers of Catan was created in the bowels of hell to make otherwise intelligent people say: “I have wood for sheep.”
Epoch Coffee
Austin, Texas
Archive for the ‘Texas’ Category
The Graduate, in a Nutshell
Guy: My parents seem fake. My parents’ friends seem really really fake.
Texas Christian University
Fort Worth, Texas
Dream Big, Kids.
Girl: I want a squirrel.
Friend: I want a cheeseburger.
UT
Austin, Texas
And My Dad Says I Don’t Pursue My Goals!
30-something white guy on cell: It may be an all-time low, but I can successfully whack it to Telemundo.
Frisco, Texas
Though I’ve Always Found the Growling Very Alluring
Plain Jane: Finish eating, so we can go outside!
Goth girl: Quit bossing me around! I just got out of line five minutes ago; it’s not my fault that it’s 12:45 and I’ve only eaten half of my lunch!
Popular boy to goth girl: I don’t think I’ve ever heard you speak before.
School Cafeteria
El Paso, Texas
Like When Troy McClure Married Selma on The Simpsons
Girl #1: What’s an orgasm?
Girl #2: It’s like when two people get excited during sex.
Girl #1: So, like, when they go “rawwwrr!“
Girl #2: Uh…yeah. Sure.
School Cafeteria
El Paso, Texas
Nothing to Offer but Blood, Toil, Tears and Sweat
Goth girl: My vagina’s sweating.
Goth boy: They really do that? I thought it was a myth. Man, I’m glad I don’t have one of those.
Congress Avenue and Barton Springs Road
Austin, Texas
Kinda Like Denim and Leggings
Man #1: I know this is stupid, but are buffalo extinct?
Man #2: No, they used to be.
Austin, Texas
Farting’s Bound to Restore the Balance
20-something guy #1, carrying case of beer and bag of onions: You know when your aura gets all out of whack?
20-something guy #2, carrying same: Yeah, you just gotta get it back on track!
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: wondering if beer and onions will be part of the ritual to restore his aura
But I Can Smell Cop on You a Mile Away
Eight-year-old: I believe the fanny dance is in order here.
Amused passerby: Awww, what is the fanny dance?
Eight-year-old: Wouldn’t you like to know.
Dallas, Texas
