Drunk girl: I hope I get my ass kicked for eating this salad!
Houston, Texas
Archive for the ‘Texas’ Category
Clap If You Believe She’ll Regret This
Female student #1: What does your tattoo mean?
Female student #2: Courage.
Female student #1: I want to get a tattoo!
Female student #2: What do you want to get?
Female student #1: Across my back I want a fairy… wearing lingerie.
Female student #2: Oh… Okay… That would be nice…
Houston Community College
Houston, Texas
Damn, Girl, You Got That Christian Stuff Down
Biotech on cell: Oh my god, she is so stupid! She goes home all the freaking time. Like, just last weekend she had to go home for her dying friend.
Texas Christian University
Fort Worth, Texas
Should We Really Drink to That?
Girl to friend: I'm not an alcoholic.
Friend: I'm not an alcoholic, either.
Girl: Cheers to us not being alcoholics!
Austin, Texas
The Correct Answer: Whatever You Want — I Love You
Woman: I told you, I will not use Downy fabric softener ever again. Pick something else!
Boyfriend: What? ‘Cause it says ‘April Fresh’? Oh, come on!
Woman: I don’t want anything with your ex-girlfriend’s name on it. I’m not gonna be reminded of April every damn time I do laundry.
Big 8 Grocery Store
El Paso, Texas
Implant It There, If You Will
Woman on cell: So I told him to quit being a titty and put it in the backseat.
Amarillo, Texas
Overheard by: Flossy Jossie
Being Universally Despised
Nerd #1: His dad was in the first white reggae band in San Antonio.
Nerd #2: Wow.
Nerd #1: Yeah. So it’s, like, in his blood.
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: texan tempest
He'd Only Stop Loving You If I Were a Fetus.
Little girl: And god loves everybody. God even loves you.
Scary little boy: I'm going to kill you.
Little girl: God will love you, even if you do.
Round Rock, Texas
Because Stool Analysis Costs Extra
Pharmacy assistant holding phone to pharmacist: This guy on the phone found some prescription bottles in a drawer and wants to know what they are. Can you talk to him?
Pharmacist: Did he eat them already?
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: mmm….mystery pills
I've Been Waiting for the Perfect Time to Share That with You.
Sorority girl #1: Are you gonna go?
Sorority girl #2: Like, I don't know. Like, I think I'm gonna go.
Sorority girl #3: Like, I think I'm gonna go, but like I don't know yet.
Sorority girl #2: Oh my god, like after I came back from Vegas, I gained some weight, so like I took Adderall for like two days!
UT
Austin, Texas