Attractive passerby: And then she was all like, “my parents would never press charges against you.” And I was so touched…
Houston, Texas
Archive for the ‘Texas’ Category
And Who Did Your Tits?
Customer: I’m so sorry about the mess I left in the dressing room — I just had to be sure I loved what I was buying for the big day!
Sales associate: No problem. A girl only gets married once, right?
Customer: Actually, this is my second marriage… What kind of bra are you wearing?
Dillard’s
Denton, Texas
Just Lucky, I Guess
Girl: She has vagina legs.
Guy friend: How does she have vagina legs?
Texas Christian University
Fort Worth, Texas
By That Point, We Were Married with Three Kids.
Punk girl: So we started fucking on a regular basis, right? And then I realized that I may actually like the guy!
University Campus
Austin, Texas
Should We Really Drink to That?
Girl to friend: I’m not an alcoholic.
Friend: I’m not an alcoholic, either.
Girl: Cheers to us not being alcoholics!
Austin, Texas
Dude, It Was Nothing Like the Movies
Man: She was that lesbian — the one who wanted to have a three-way and told me I could watch.
Three Allen Center
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: B_tay
And I Was in the Boy Scouts.
Mover and shaker: I went to a military academy, I know about anal sex. I went to a military academy.
Austin, Texas
…Without My French Maid Outfit On!
Man on cell: I can’t dust your house today, I’m dusting Amanda’s. (pause) No, I’m dusting yours tomorrow. (very long pause) Well, then I don’t know why I’m carrying around this dust-rag, I feel silly!
7‑Eleven
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: Madeline
The Ones I Do Have Thankfully Have Easy-to-Remember 1 – 900 Numbers
Salesman to guy purchasing new phone: Yeah, we can totally transfer all your contacts and calendar and stuff to this new phone.
Guy (in English accent): Well, can you do that on this other model?
Salesman: No, you can’t transfer your contacts from your old one to this model.
Guy (in English accent): Oh, that doesn’t matter. I don’t have any friends.
Austin, Texas
It Gave Me Relationship Advice
40-something driver to friend: So I saw some interesting roadkill the other day…
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Another chupacabra?
