Man #1: I know this is stupid, but are buffalo extinct?
Man #2: No, they used to be.
Austin, Texas
Archive for the ‘Texas’ Category
Farting’s Bound to Restore the Balance
20-something guy #1, carrying case of beer and bag of onions: You know when your aura gets all out of whack?
20-something guy #2, carrying same: Yeah, you just gotta get it back on track!
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: wondering if beer and onions will be part of the ritual to restore his aura
But I Can Smell Cop on You a Mile Away
Eight-year-old: I believe the fanny dance is in order here.
Amused passerby: Awww, what is the fanny dance?
Eight-year-old: Wouldn’t you like to know.
Dallas, Texas
Since Apparently Assholism No Longer Qualifies
Guy to another: I don’t know what to tell you… If she won’t break up with you because you invited her to have a threesome, then tell her that you have some disability… (mumbles) …like, what’s that form of autism called? “Asperger syndrome”?
Bar
Austin, Texas
I’m Too Tired to Hold My Sphincters Shut
Girl: We need to go steal more diapers from Target.
Texas Christian University
Fort Worth, Texas
So “Lehman” Is Out?
Big-haired mother to friends: I like what Sarah Palin did with her kids’ names. I mean, I want to give my kids names that are cool, but nothing that would, you know, prevent them from being business majors.
San Antonio, Texas
Overheard by: An East Coast Elitist
It All Started When I Tried to Separate the Laundry…
Preppy teenage girl #1, before Sex and the City movie: Oh! I heard that Jennifer Hewitt is in this movie!
Preppy teenage girl #2: No, it’s Jennifer Hudson.
Preppy teenage girl #1: Whats the difference?
Preppy teenage girl #2: Jennifer Hewitt is the white actress who made a CD and can’t sing and was in the Garfield movie. Jennifer Hudson is the black girl from American Idol who won an Oscar for that movie with Beyonce.
Preppy teenage girl #1: Are either one of them singing in this movie?
Preppy teenage girl #2: I don’t know.
(long pause)
Preppy teenage girl #3: Speaking of black people, I got in trouble for being racist at work today.
Plano, Texas
How You Know It’s Time to Call Jenny
Mother to three-year-old son: Can I call you “my dear”?
Three-year-old son: Can I call you “my moose”?
Austin, Texas
…Animal Cracker Coming Up
Kid: (burps loudly)
Mom: What was that?
Kid: I think it was a lion.
Little Leage Game
Ft. Worth, Texas
Overheard by: DeeDon
We’d Hate to Hear Him in Bed
Pilot over intercom after rough landing: Whooaa, Nessie! (makes galloping sound) Easy, girl! (makes baaing sound) Whoops, wrong animal.
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: kayla
