Archive for the ‘Threats’ Category

We Thought On­ly Amer­i­cans Knew This Lit­tle About Sex Ed.

[Line for ladies’ room]Girl #1: Hi, do you mind if I cut in front of you? It’s ur­gent.
Girl #2: Sure.
Girl #1: Thanks, I have to change my tam­pon.
Girl #2: [Blank stare.]Girl #1: I have to make sure I change it of­ten. Not too of­ten, be­cause once I changed it too much and got chlamy­dia.
Girl #2: Oh…[Suppresses laugh.]

West­ern Aus­tralia
Aus­tralia

One Day You Will Make Some Dork Very, Very Hap­py

20-some­thing chick to friend on cell: I like how you’re lis­ten­ing to the mes­sage I left you while I’m stand­ing right here.
Friend: I just want to make sure I get the mes­sage, I don’t want to be like one of those peo­ple who calls you back with­out lis­ten­ing to the mes­sage.
20-some­thing chick: I hate those peo­ple! It’s like, what if the mes­sage was re­al­ly im­por­tant? Like, “Help me, I’m dy­ing! Don’t call me back–it sets off the bomb!”

Uni­ver­si­ty of Mary Wash­ing­ton
Fred­er­icks­burg, Vir­ginia

Over­heard by: Good point

Who Will Punch Me in the Ovaries Re­gard­less.

Drunk punk girl #1: Oh my god! Is that a rac­coon? I think it’s star­ing at me!
Drunk punk girl #2: That’s a fuckin shirt, you re­tard.
Drunk punk girl #1: Well, if it bites me, I’m punch­ing you in the ovaries!
Drunk punk girl #2, mut­ter­ing: I need new friends.

Out­side Bar
Ni­a­gara Falls, New York

Stop Be­ing White in Popeye’s!

Black girl #1: Okay, I know what I’m get­ting. Do you know what you’re get­ting?
White girl: I’ve nev­er been here be­fore. Let me look for a while. [Paus­es, then yells.] Wait a minute! Popeye’s a sailor; Why does he sell chick­en?
Black girl #2: Oh my god, shut up now or no more vod­ka for you for the rest of the night!
White girl: Okay. [Gig­gles.] I’m sor­ry.
[Black girls start talk­ing to each other.]White girl, yelling: Why are there no white peo­ple in here?!
Black girl #1: Aww fuck, take her out­side to the car. This is her first and last time ever com­ing here!

Popeye’s
Tren­ton, New Jer­sey