Just As Long As I Get the Oblig­a­tory Milk­bone

Girl: Well, the sad thing is I’m gonna have to treat you like Mor­gan when she does­n’t want to take her ear in­fec­tion pills.

Smith Col­lege
Northamp­ton, Mass­a­chu­setts

I’ve Nev­er Felt So Alive!

Male pro­fes­sor, in a very girly voice: Aaaah­hh! I’m be­ing tram­pled by sea hors­es.

UMass
Amherst, Mass­a­chu­setts

Would­n’t That Re­quire the Right to Bear Arms?

Pleas­ant Eng­lish la­dy in line at check­out: Who­ev­er in­vent­ed all these hu­man rights should be shot!

Scott Air Force Base
St. Clair Coun­ty, Illi­nois

Over­heard by: Nin­jamedic

Re­mem­ber What Hap­pened to Your Sis­ter the S’­more?

Six-year-old boy: Mom! I want a cook­ie.
Mom: If you don’t start be­hav­ing you’re go­ing to turn in­to a deep-fried boy on a stick at the state fair.

http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/382002415/someone-will-try-that-next-year.html

Over­heard by: Ian

I Hard­ly Touched My­self at All

Dude: Just be­cause I watched you out a win­dow for an hour does­n’t mean I’m creepy.

High School Class­room
En­gle­wood, Col­orado

Guess Some­body Wants to Go to Col­lege

Teacher to chat­ty class: Every­one, qui­et, we have to go over this!
(class con­tin­ues chat­ting)
Guy in the back: I will kill you all.
(class falls silent)

High School
Chesa­peake, Vir­ginia

Ty­phoid Mary Was Al­so an Avid Bowler

Woman at ta­ble din­ing with friend: I mean, I love in­fec­tious dis­eases, don’t get me wrong, but that’s not my life.

Red Restau­rant
Nashville, Ten­nessee

Over­heard by: kyn­d­gr­rl

Meet the Most For­get­ful Woman in Dal­las

Woman: I found the nip­ple! Cri­sis avert­ed.

N. Bish­op Av­enue
Dal­las, Texas

Over­heard by: Faith

Now Every­one Fas­ten Their Duct Tape — We’re about to Take Off

Pi­lot: There is no smok­ing on this air­craft. The penal­ty for smok­ing is two thou­sand dol­lars. If you had that kind of mon­ey, you’d prob­a­bly be fly­ing Unit­ed.

South­west Air­lines flight

Over­heard by: broke

I’ll Put the Ralph in Your Cram­den

Girl: Oh my god, I can’t be­lieve you! You vom­it­ed all over their bath­room!
Drunk chick: I’ll vom­it in your vagi­na!

Blacks­burg, Vir­ginia