Plus I Feel a Lit­tle Gay Rid­ing a Log

In­tim­i­dat­ing black man on log flume: This ain’t no ro­man­tic cruise!

Busch Gar­dens, Flori­da

And Then On­ly Be­cause It Was on the Mar­riage Cer­tifi­cate

Thugette: I went out with him for like two weeks be­fore I even found out his name.

East Van­cou­ver
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: mar­cosx

Guess Some­body Wants to Go to Col­lege

Teacher to chat­ty class: Every­one, qui­et, we have to go over this!
(class con­tin­ues chat­ting)
Guy in the back: I will kill you all.
(class falls silent)

High School
Chesa­peake, Vir­ginia

What about a Shapeshifter Dis­guised As Da­ta?

Thug #1: Is it cheatin’ if you do it on the holodeck?
Thug #2: Nah. Fuck­ing da­ta does­n’t count ei­ther.

Tar­get
Re­ston, Vir­ginia

Over­heard by: Car­ly

None Of Them Are Fil­tered

Teen gangs­ta wannabe yelling to small boy on play­ground: No, I was­n’t, I don’t smoke! He was just trans­fer­ring the smoke to my mouth! (pause) Nev­er mind! I’m not gay!

Park
Cincin­nati, Ohio

Well, When the Pe­nis Is Erect and the Vagi­na Is Lu­bri­cat­ed…

Gangs­ta guy: So Bren­da had sex with her cousin, but did­n’t know it was her cousin.
Woman: How do you do that?!

De­Paul Uni­ver­si­ty
Chica­go, Illi­nois

Is­raelis Will Even Give You an Ar­gu­ment About That

Drunk black gang­ster guy, on Tel Aviv cen­ten­ni­al cel­e­bra­tion: I am Moses! I am Moses!
(traf­fic light changes, he throws arms up in air) Is­raelis, you may now walk!

Tel Aviv
Is­rael

Over­heard by: E‑lad

These Peo­ple Are Every­where

Thugette: I ain’t talk­ing to you no more!
Thug: Well, let me ask you a ques­tion — about you.
Thugette: Al­right.
Thug: What you heard about me?!

Down­town Mall
Char­lottesville, Vir­ginia

Eliot Spitzer’s next big tar­get

Thugette: Yo, I think Di­et Coke got some nico­tine in it, ’cause I can’t stop drink­ing it!
Thug: Yeah, for re­al. They still must be puttin’ some coke in that jank.
Passer­by: It’s called caf­feine.

9th & M Streets
Wash­ing­ton, DC

Over­heard by: Eri­ka

…Full Of Hero­in?

Mid­dle-aged black woman to hus­band: Ba­by, you re­mem­ber that time I shot you?

CVS
In­di­anapo­lis, In­di­ana