I Demolished That Problem Set, Yo.

Thug #1: Yo, nigga! I will beat you up! You hear me? I will demolish your ass!
Thug #2: Nah man, nah. I’ll beat your ass!
Thug #1: Fuck that, nigga, fuck that.
(pause)
Thug #1: Yo, nigga, what was our physics homework for last night?
Thug #2: Section 4. It’s on that Archimedes’ principle shit.

University of Louisville
Louisville, Kentucky

Plus I Feel a Little Gay Riding a Log

Intimidating black man on log flume: This ain’t no romantic cruise!

Busch Gardens, Florida

At Midnight It Turns Into a Pumpkin

Thug wannabe: Damn, you see that white girl? She got a magic booty.

Mall
Buford, Georgia

Overheard by: girl with the magical booty

Eliot Spitzer’s next big target

Thugette: Yo, I think Diet Coke got some nicotine in it, ’cause I can’t stop drinking it!
Thug: Yeah, for real. They still must be puttin’ some coke in that jank.
Passerby: It’s called caffeine.

9^th & M Streets
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Erika

And Then Only Because It Was on the Marriage Certificate

Thugette: I went out with him for like two weeks before I even found out his name.

East Vancouver
Canadia

Overheard by: marcosx

Guess Somebody Wants to Go to College

Teacher to chatty class: Everyone, quiet, we have to go over this!
(class continues chatting)
Guy in the back: I will kill you all.
(class falls silent)

High School
Chesapeake, Virginia

What about a Shapeshifter Disguised As Data?

Thug #1: Is it cheatin’ if you do it on the holodeck?
Thug #2: Nah. Fucking data doesn’t count either.

Target
Reston, Virginia

Overheard by: Carly

None Of Them Are Filtered

Teen gangsta wannabe yelling to small boy on playground: No, I wasn’t, I don’t smoke! He was just transferring the smoke to my mouth! (pause) Never mind! I’m not gay!

Park
Cincinnati, Ohio

Well, When the Penis Is Erect and the Vagina Is Lubricated…

Gangsta guy: So Brenda had sex with her cousin, but didn’t know it was her cousin.
Woman: How do you do that?!

DePaul University
Chicago, Illinois

Israelis Will Even Give You an Argument About That

Drunk black gangster guy, on Tel Aviv centennial celebration: I am Moses! I am Moses!
(traffic light changes, he throws arms up in air) Israelis, you may now walk!

Tel Aviv
Israel

Overheard by: E‑lad