Archive for the ‘Thugs’ Category

Which Was the The­sis of My Last Bi­ol­o­gy Pa­per

Thug #1: Every­body calls that girl “Orang­utan tit­ties.“
Thug #2: What? Why?
Thug #1: She’s the one that flashed every­body back in fresh­man year at that one as­sem­bly, and her tit­ties be all pointy and shit.
Thug #2: I re­mem­ber that shit, that was pret­ty fuckin’ fun­ny.
Thug #3 (af­ter a long pause): Man, orang­utans are fuckin’ weird.
Thug #1: Yeah, mon­keys be fucked up.

MDN High School, Tempe, Ari­zona

Over­heard by: I saw this whole as­sem­bly thing, too.

That, and “Stop Pee­ing on My Foot.”

Thug: Damn, ma­mi — look at them curves on you!
Eth­nic chick: Sor­ry, boys, I have an arranged mar­riage. I’m kind of tied down to my fi­ancé [shows ring].
Thug: Come on, ma­mi, let us sit down.
Blonde soror­i­ty girl #1: Sor­ry, gen­tle­men, we’re just try­ing to eat our food here. God bless. [Thugs look at her awk­ward­ly and walk away.]Blonde soror­i­ty girl #2, very con­fused: Why did you just say ‘God bless’ to them?
Blonde soror­i­ty girl #1: What? It’s what you say to home­less peo­ple.

Leo’s Coney Is­land
Birm­ing­ham, Michi­gan

Over­heard by: Jamie

Just Like New­found­land and East Berlin

Thug #1: New Eng­land is a state!
Thug #2: New Eng­land is a coun­try!
Thug #1: Naw, it’s a state. You know — New York, New Jer­sey, New Eng­land!
Thug #3: You both crazy. New Eng­land is a city! It got an NFL team — the New Eng­land Pa­tri­ots!
Thug #1: Naw, man, they some­times be namin’ teams af­ter states, like Min­neso­ta Vikings and Seat­tle Sea­hawks…
Thug #3: Hm­mm… You right. Oh! Maybe New Eng­land be both a city and a state, like New York, New York! New Eng­land, New Eng­land!
Thug #1: That got­ta be it. I knows New Eng­land is a state…

Mall piz­za place
Buf­fa­lo, New York

Over­heard by: Snoopy

It’s So Con­ve­nient for My Court Ap­pear­ances

Young thug #1: I’m telling you, man, if they get you for jay­walk­ing or lit­ter­ing down here, they just dis­miss it.
Young thug #2: Re­al­ly?
Young thug #1: Yeah, man, the home­less do it all the time.
Young thug #2: Man…
Young thug #1: I’m telling you. That’s why I stay down­town.

Los An­ge­les Su­pe­ri­or Court

Over­heard by: Mylin­da

The En­e­my Of My Imag­i­nary En­e­my Is My Imag­i­nary Friend

Hip-hop thug on train bursts out, to no one in par­tic­u­lar: Fuck you, man!
(spits on floor) You don’t like it, do some­thin’ ’bout it. (pause) You want my dick? You want to be on my dick?
Chi­ca sit­ting op­po­site: Who are you talk­ing to?
(hip-hop thug mum­bles)
Chi­ca: I don’t think any­one wants to be on your dick.

Boston, Mass­a­chu­setts