Archive for the ‘Train’ Category

For­mer Kinder­garten Teach­ers Make Quite Ef­fi­cient Ho­bos

Hobo #1, hold­ing sneak­er, to an­oth­er: Put that shoe on!
Hobo #2: Man, I don’t want to sweat in the shoe. That’ll make my feet stink!
Hobo #1: Man, what the fuck you wor­ried about? Your feet al­ready stink. I can smell them from here. Those peo­ple can smell them from here. Now put on your god­damn shoes and tie that shit up tight. No one wants to smell what you got. Now I’m go­ing to stand here and watch you tie those shoes for the good of every­one on this train.
(oth­ers on train ap­plaud)

MAR­TA Train
At­lanta, Geor­gia

Over­heard by: Fi­nal­ly, a hu­man­i­tar­i­an home­less man

Some S’­more Than Oth­ers

Hand­some guy: He’s al­ways speak­ing in code, like “my son’s so flam­ing he could toast a marsh­mal­low,” or “my son’s so flam­ing he has toast­ed a marsh­mal­low,” which I don’t re­al­ly get, be­cause every­one toasts marsh­mal­lows.

MetroNorth Train

On the Plus Side, We’ve Fi­nal­ly Found a De­cent Place for Our Slip-n-Slide

Loud woman on phone: I was at the fu­ner­al on Wednes­day and Melvin was sit­ting in the pew be­hind me. Halfway through the cer­e­mo­ny he leans for­ward and goes: “We’re at the wrong fu­ner­al!” So we had to get up and find the right one. When we got there, the hill was so steep the hearse could­n’t get up the hill! It was aw­ful!