The Queen Ami­dala Head­dress Is Re­al­ly Heavy

Cos­tumed dad to lit­tle girl: You need to lis­ten. Un­der­stand? You will not take your clothes off!

Star Wars 30th An­niver­sary Cel­e­bra­tion
Los An­ge­les, Cal­i­for­nia

It’s Shiny, but with No Waxy Buildup

Chick on cell: I don’t know — some­times I’m just over­whelmed with a de­sire to smell my boss’s head.

In­di­anapo­lis, In­di­ana

Over­heard by: Ja­son Carr

The Way Some Girls Find Four-Leaf Clovers

Drunk chick: So his pe­nis end­ed up in my mouth. It just hap­pens.

Back­room Tav­ern
Knoxville, Ten­nessee

Al­though It’s a Part of My Life I Don’t Like Talk­ing About

Hip­ster on cell: I’ve been every­where. [pause] Yes, I’ve been to Queens.

Hope Street, Williams­burg
Brook­lyn, New York

Re­mem­ber That Time I Did Those Tequi­la Shots and Used “Ain’t”?

Girl: Oh god, I must re­al­ly be drunk — I’m mix­ing my metaphors!

Buck­nell Uni­ver­si­ty

Luck­i­ly, I Was There to Ap­ply Blush on Her While They Were Re­mov­ing Her Lung

Woman on cell: I to­tal­ly did­n’t rec­og­nize her. Yeah, so I guess she thinks she can get away with not do­ing her hair and make-up be­fore surgery.

Of­fice De­pot
Fort Worth, Texas

Yes, I Found Out What I’m Do­ing Now Is Il­le­gal

Woman on phone, sob­bing and scream­ing: We have two beau­ti­ful chil­dren, and you want to stick your dick in some­one else?

Dis­ney­land
Ana­heim, Cal­i­for­nia

I’m Tak­ing You to Coun­sel­ing Un­less You Tell Me They’re for Rob­bing Banks

Moth­er to tod­dler son in stall: Hon­ey, I re­al­ly don’t un­der­stand your ob­ses­sion with tights.

Ar­clight bath­room
Los An­ge­les, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: flash­back to my boyfriend’s child­hood

Or When You Pull the Tam­pons Out Of Your Butt?

Gay boy to girl posse, see­ing com­mer­cial for panty lin­ers with ex­tra stick­ing pow­er: So, like, does­n’t it hurt when they stick to your vag?

Far­go, North Dako­ta

When Se­mes­ters and Trimesters Con­flict

Bleached blonde soror­i­ty chick: If she does­n’t abort it, we’re to­tal­ly throw­ing her a ba­by show­er!

Uni­ver­si­ty
Mid­west

Over­heard by: GDI