Archive for the ‘Violence’ Category

We Can Bond by Watch­ing the Footage To­geth­er Lat­er

Mom: A 21-year-old girl from Oshkosh died to­day, but they aren’t say­ing how.
Col­lege daugh­ter: A house blew up this morn­ing… Well, a mo­bile home, ac­tu­al­ly.
Mom: And it killed that 21-year-old girl?!
Col­lege daugh­ter: Well, no. They’re un­re­lat­ed. Ac­tu­al­ly, I’m just try­ing to up­stage you… But a house re­al­ly did blow up.

Ap­ple­ton, Wis­con­sin

‘Cause Then She Took One of My Legs and Snapped It

Skin­ny girl: My room­mate’s nuts. We got in­to an­oth­er fight.
Tall girl: Oh, God, what is it now? She’s mad again ’cause you don’t rinse every drop of tooth­paste out of the sink, right?
Skin­ny girl: No, it’s the may­on­naise! The fuck­ing may­on­naise! She ac­cused me of eat­ing it! Just the plain mayo, not on a sand­wich or any­thing. I looked at her and told her, ‘Lis­ten, bitch, I don’t eat mayo. I’m anorex­ic.’ She’s ac­cus­ing me of hav­ing no self con­trol!
Tall girl: So, what hap­pened then?
Skin­ny girl: I was drunk, so I threw the mayo out our front door and said, ‘Ha! Now no one can eat it!’ I don’t think that helped the sit­u­a­tion at all.

George Her­man’s
Char­lotte, North Car­oli­na

When You Can Take the Hand­i­capped Kid’s Scis­sors Away, Grasshop­per…

Bim­bette: … You, like, learn to flip peo­ple on the mat. My mom knows how to do that. She works with re­tard­ed kids and they, like, have come at her with scis­sors and tried to cut her throat be­fore.
Barista: That does­n’t sound like a job I’d want to have.
Bim­bette: No, she loves it.

Star­bucks
Gaithers­burg, Mary­land

Over­heard by: I just want my mocha, please