Artsy emo: It was like lesbian Fight Club! First Leema liked Holly, then she liked Tracy, who liked Nicola, who also liked Holly. So Nicola and Leema got in a fist fight and in the end, Tracy and Holly had sex in the woodshop classroom!
Toronto
Canadia
Student #1: Did you end up taking her to SeaWorld or Busch Gardens or something?
Student #2: Naw, man, I told you — she set all my clothes on fire!
Student #1: See, I think that’s kinky.
Michigan State University
Michigan
Drunk bimbette: We’re s’posed to be so ladylike… Why do girls have to be so ghetto and stab each other all the time?
York University
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: A and A
Dude: Just because I watched you out a window for an hour doesn’t mean I’m creepy.
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Mommy: Let’s not attack mommy with a fork.
Salem, Oregon
Overheard by: lauraf
Guy: I saw some midgets wrestling last night. I felt really bad. Why would they do that?
Point Park University
Pittsburgh, PA
Overheard by: ZB
Guy: I was really pissed off. Then you bit me on the shoulder. Three times.
Girl: (laughs hysterically)
DePaul University
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: University Peon
Girl: It seems like every time I see you these days, you’re being raped.
Guy: I know… And now I’m not even getting paid for it.
University of Northern Colorado
Mom: A 21-year-old girl from Oshkosh died today, but they aren’t saying how.
College daughter: A house blew up this morning… Well, a mobile home, actually.
Mom: And it killed that 21-year-old girl?!
College daughter: Well, no. They’re unrelated. Actually, I’m just trying to upstage you… But a house really did blow up.
Appleton, Wisconsin
Girl #1: There are these bees in Asia, and they like shoot venom at you and it like eats your skin or something.
Girl #2: Wow, that’s crazy, man! Remind me never to go to Africa.
High School
Scottsdale, Arizona
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
