Teacher to chatty class: Everyone, quiet, we have to go over this!
(class continues chatting)
Guy in the back: I will kill you all.
(class falls silent)
High School
Chesapeake, Virginia
Archive for the ‘Virginia’ Category
So Stop Feeding Them That Freeze-Dried Ice Cream
Man: I just wanted to go to the cafeteria lady and say, ‘My children are not astronauts!’
Ted’s Restaurant
Virginia
Overheard by: Nic
At Least Let Me Tie You to the Roof-Rack
Girl stopped at a gas station refueling: Get out of my trunk now! People are going to think that I kidnapped you!
Charlottesville, Virginia
Overheard by: A Concerned Friend
I Think You’re Supposed to Whistle, Grunt, or Moan
Gym bunny: Man, I feel like a beached whale! Mooo!
Gym, Christopher Newport University
Newport News, Virginia
Harshin’ My Buzz, Dude
Drunk freshman: I love it here! Look, even the street sparkles!
Passing upperclassman: That’s broken glass.
Richmond, Virginia
The Wine Will Reveal Her True Self.
Father to young daughter in department store: I’m just going to get her a bottle of wine since I don’t know what a coverup is.
Falls Church, Virginia
But All You Really Need Is Some Concealer and a Dream
Girl #1: So when is that thing you guys are doing?
Girl #2: Oh my god! You have to go! We’re all going to get naked and walk around campus all day.
Girl #1: I honestly would, but I have tattoos in some really unconventional places.
Girl #2: Oh, I understand totally.
Chem Lab, William and Mary
Williamsburg, Virginia
What about a Shapeshifter Disguised As Data?
Thug #1: Is it cheatin’ if you do it on the holodeck?
Thug #2: Nah. Fucking data doesn’t count either.
Target
Reston, Virginia
Overheard by: Carly
I’ll Put the Ralph in Your Cramden
Girl: Oh my god, I can’t believe you! You vomited all over their bathroom!
Drunk chick: I’ll vomit in your vagina!
Blacksburg, Virginia
Hardly Worse Than Getting Dick-Poked Before Birth
[husband and wife are pushing stroller through the mall. Suddenly another man rushes up and picks the husband up, twirling him around while everyone cracks up]Man, looking over at child: Wow, that would be a really awkward first memory!
Spotsylvania Towne Centre
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Overheard by: That Girl In The Kiosk
