Announcement: There’s a gray car parked outside, four feet into the street.
Older woman: It’s mine. I don’t park cars; I just sort of abandon them.
Portsmouth, Virginia
Archive for the ‘Virginia’ Category
Instead, I’ll Discuss Your Pain With This Complete Stranger
Boyfriend to gas station attendant: She slept with the entire football team in high school.
Girlfriend: Maybe, but I still wouldn’t have slept with you.
Boyfriend: Yeah? Really? How’s your butt feel? Ha! I haven’t even told my friends about that yet!
Richmond, Virginia
Just Trying to Keep the Predators Away, Sweetie
Whispering mom: Don’t play with your skirt like that. You know what you forgot this morning.
Three-year-old, loudly: Panties!
Dunkin’ Donuts
Virginia
Overheard by: callumny
What With Mrs. Butterworth Morally Judging Me
Elderly woman: You know… It’s so hard to eat pancakes in the nude!
Winchester, Virginia
Overheard by: SB
…So I’m Afraid I’ll Have to Decline Your Offer.
Macy’s sales clerk: Now this cologne is $19.99 for the large bottle and comes with the free teddy bear.
Large woman spilling out of leopard-print tube top, sniffing: This is nice… It’s real classy smelling.
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: I don’t discriminate; I hate everybody.
Every Country Has Its Own Rules for Greeting Royalty
Guy on cell at register: I know! I know! So listen — when you first meet him, go up to him, bow, whip your own chopsticks, and tell him you would like to procreate with him.
Dick’s Sporting Goods
Fairfax, Virginia
Overheard by: Cashier who needed the laugh
A High Holy Day for Us Retailians
Girl #1: Well, today wasn’t a total loss, I did find my outfit for tomorrow.
Girl #2: True. By the way, what’s tomorrow?
Girl #1: Uh, Thursday. You mean like the date?
Girl #2: No, I mean: what’s the occasion for the outfit?
Girl #1: Oh, right! Thursday.
Dulles Town Center
Loudoun County, Virginia
So You’re…a Coxswain?
Girl #1: My two biggest concerns in life are rowing and gays.
Girl #2: Rowing and what?
Girl #1: Gays!
George Mason University
Fairfax, Virginia
That’s What I Got You Last Year
Drunk male friend: What do you want for your birthday, baby? I can make it happen, just tell me what you want!
Really, really drunk birthday girl, pointing at someone else: I want in that guy’s pants!
Norfolk, Virginia
Damnit, Now My Chair’s All Wet
Super nerd #1: You look tired.
Super nerd #2: Yea…
Super nerd #1: I bet you were up till three AM playing World of Warcraft.
Super nerd #2: Yeah…
Super nerd #1: Yeah, I just got the new patch. It’s downloading right now. Its an 80-gig patch… I mean, 80-meg patch.
Super nerd #2: Phew! [Panting] Don’t do that to me!
Virginia Tech
Blacksburg, Virginia
