Macy’s sales clerk: Now this cologne is $19.99 for the large bottle and comes with the free teddy bear.
Large woman spilling out of leopard-print tube top, sniffing: This is nice… It’s real classy smelling.
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: I don’t discriminate; I hate everybody.
Guy on cell at register: I know! I know! So listen — when you first meet him, go up to him, bow, whip your own chopsticks, and tell him you would like to procreate with him.
Dick’s Sporting Goods
Fairfax, Virginia
Overheard by: Cashier who needed the laugh
Girl #1: Well, today wasn’t a total loss, I did find my outfit for tomorrow.
Girl #2: True. By the way, what’s tomorrow?
Girl #1: Uh, Thursday. You mean like the date?
Girl #2: No, I mean: what’s the occasion for the outfit?
Girl #1: Oh, right! Thursday.
Dulles Town Center
Loudoun County, Virginia
Girl #1: My two biggest concerns in life are rowing and gays.
Girl #2: Rowing and what?
Girl #1: Gays!
George Mason University
Fairfax, Virginia
Drunk male friend: What do you want for your birthday, baby? I can make it happen, just tell me what you want!
Really, really drunk birthday girl, pointing at someone else: I want in that guy’s pants!
Norfolk, Virginia
Super nerd #1: You look tired.
Super nerd #2: Yea…
Super nerd #1: I bet you were up till three AM playing World of Warcraft.
Super nerd #2: Yeah…
Super nerd #1: Yeah, I just got the new patch. It’s downloading right now. Its an 80-gig patch… I mean, 80-meg patch.
Super nerd #2: Phew! [Panting] Don’t do that to me!
Virginia Tech
Blacksburg, Virginia
Hipster chick: You know, you can tell it’s a good party by how many people get their stomachs pumped, and whether or not Mark gets naked.
Friend: Totally.
Starbucks
Virginia
HS boy #1: I love cheesecake in my mouth.
HS boy #2: You love dick in your mouth!!
HS boy #1: Well, yeah, if it has cheesecake on it!
Christiansburg, Virginia
Girl walking through campus: I can’t believe you, I’m sitting in my living room in nothing but a towel, with mascara streaming down my face and you don’t even care!
George Mason University
Fairfax, Virginia
Overheard by: You sit on a throne of lies
Teacher to chatty class: Everyone, quiet, we have to go over this!
(class continues chatting)
Guy in the back: I will kill you all.
(class falls silent)
High School
Chesapeake, Virginia
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
