If One More Per­son Asks Me That To­day…

Tween: Should I get Fan­ta or cock?

Perth, Wash­ing­ton

Over­heard by: shocked old­er sis­ter.

…Dad?

Loud 20-some­thing girl on cell: What do you mean you made out with my un­cle?!

Spokane, Wash­ing­ton

Did I Not Put My Tit in Your Cof­fee This Very Morn­ing?

Old­er man: Let’s go to that biki­ni cof­fee shop!
Younger woman: What? What?
Old­er man: It’s a cof­fee shop where women with self es­teem is­sues wear biki­nis and serve… cof­fee. What’s not to get?
Younger woman: Fuck you.

Seat­tle, Wash­ing­ton

A Nun Would­n’t Mar­ry Some Prick, Hon­ey

Lit­tle girl, point­ing to pic­ture of Je­sus on card: Who’s that?
Babysit­ter: Well, that’s Je­sus.
Lit­tle girl: Oh… He looks like a nice guy.

Belle­vue, Wash­ing­ton

Let Us Nev­er Speak Of This Again.

Col­lege guy, watch­ing lit­tle girl in husky cheer­leader out­fit: What’s with all these cheer­lead­ers every­where? I like it!
Fe­male friend: Dude, that sound­ed kind of wrong, she’s like six.
Col­lege guy: Yeah… I just re­al­ized that.

UW Husky Tail­gate
Seat­tle, Wash­ing­ton

Over­heard by: Face

I’d To­tal­ly Do That If It’d Make Me Young Again

Mid­dle-aged woman, about teenag­er: She’s so beau­ti­ful. She could be a mod­el. (pause) I want to run her over with my car.

Belling­ham, Wash­ing­ton

I Don’t Like Feel­ing Ex­ot­ic

Lit­tle girl to moth­er: I al­ways get weird­ed out when we come to Asian mar­kets.
Mom: Why is that?
Lit­tle girl: Be­cause there are so many Asian peo­ple in one place!
Mom: Why is that weird?

Uwa­ji­maya
Seat­tle, Wash­ing­ton

Over­heard by: Ko­ley

Why Can’t My Broth­er and I Be This Close?

Five-year-old girl: I fart­ed on you, again.
Five-year-old broth­er: I don’t care.

Shore­line, Wash­ing­ton

Now I Go to the Nurs­ing Home and Do That to Grand­ma

Mom pass­ing rows of whole fish: When I was a lit­tle girl, I used to poke their raw eye­balls with my fin­ger!
Lit­tle boy: Wow!

Pike Mar­ket
Seat­tle, Wash­ing­ton

Over­heard by: wow in­deed

You Know… Down There

An­thro­pol­o­gy pro­fes­sor teach­ing Sex and Gen­der: I’m afraid I’ll have to leave class ear­ly today…I have to go to the hos­pi­tal, I have a doc­tor’s appointment…for something…at a cer­tain time…

West­ern Wash­ing­ton Uni­ver­si­ty
Belling­ham, Wash­ing­ton