High school freshman: I once knew a guy who knew a guy who was a cyclops!
Kenosha, Wisconsin
Archive for the ‘Wisconsin’ Category
And Then We’ll Hold This Nice Man Up.
Father with two small sons dressed in Halloween costumes, walking into liquor store: Okay, guys, now pick out the kind of whiskey you want and go put it up on the counter.
Oshkosh, Wisconsin
.…If There Any Left
College kid: Excuse me, what is the difference between these potato pancakes and a potato latka?
Grocery stocker: Um, I don’t know what a latka is, so I couldn’t tell you.
College kid: A Jewish potato pancake.
Grocery stocker: Well, those potato pancakes are German.
College kid: I wonder if a German Jew would eat them.
Sendik’s Grocery Store
Grafton, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Arthur
Who We Are As Kids Is Who We Are in Life
Friend #1: Do you remember when we were little and I used to show the neighbor’s boys my boobs so they’d give me candy? Bet you’re glad I stopped doing that!
Friend #2: What are you talking about? The only thing that’s changed is your form of payment! You just finished telling everyone not two minutes ago how last week you won $200 on amateur’s night when you went to the strip club with the guys!
Eau Claire, Wisconsin
Your Editors Are Standing by
Literature professor: You know, eventually we’re going to have to talk about the clitoris.
(class stares at him in silence) Maybe not today, but one of these days. I’m just saying.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: trying not to laugh
You Only Think Threesomes Are Exciting, ’til You Encounter One.
Bearded man, teaching math: …which is gonna give you nine over nine over four, which is horribly ugly. Does that terrify you greatly? It should.
UW Rock County
Janesville, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Akuaku
Any Questions?
Professor: All the crazies kept moving from the East Coast to the west until they hit California. Some moved back to Oklahoma, but the rest of us just hope there’s an earthquake and California floats off into the Mediterranean to become a homeland for Palestinians.
Carroll College
Waukesha, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Abbey
…With My Hand Down My Pants Like This.
English teacher to class: Apostrophes and semicolons really turn me on.
Class: (horrified silence)
English teacher, to self: Maybe I shouldn’t have said that.
High School
Wisconsin
She Always Comes Up with the Best Gifts for an Old Fart.
Woman: My mom was in the hospital with brain cancer. Then my cousin showed up, and I asked her if she wanted to, you know, go to a craft store and get something for mom. Well, on the walk over, she… (makes farting noises). So you can imagine how upset I was.
YMCA
Beloit, Wisconsin
Like Divorce Mediation
Guy to girl wearing multi-colored cowboy scarf: You’re like a rainbow bandit. It’s like you’re going to rob me… With niceness.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
