Woman: My mom was in the hospital with brain cancer. Then my cousin showed up, and I asked her if she wanted to, you know, go to a craft store and get something for mom. Well, on the walk over, she… (makes farting noises). So you can imagine how upset I was.
YMCA
Beloit, Wisconsin
Guy to girl wearing multi-colored cowboy scarf: You’re like a rainbow bandit. It’s like you’re going to rob me… With niceness.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
English professor: “My wife, Bob, is pregnant.” Polygamy, pregnant men, gay marriage–it’s got it all!
University of Rock County
Wisconsin
Overheard by: Aku
Man in crowd of bar patrons leaving after last call, singing: It’s ti-ime for the pizza store, it’s ti-ime for the pizza store… I don’t even care where we go, I just got to get some cheese on my dick. I’m just gonna stick it in. I’m serious, let’s go, get that in an oven and roast it. Let’s get it in an oven… and roast it like a cherry tomato.
Madison, Wisconsin
40-something suit #1: So you remember when I was dying of melanoma?
40-something suit #2: Is that when you couldn’t go on the golf trip with the boss?
40-something suit #1: Yes, that was it!
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: MilwaukeeBabe
Teacher: Are you guys understanding this?
Class: [Stares blankly.]Teacher: It feels like I’m taking my clothes off.
Class: What?
Teacher: I meant that this is disturbing.
Kenosha, Wisconsin
Girl: Oh, as far as I’m concerned, they’re just the happy little worker bees that bring me my birth control.
Madison, Wisconsin
Mom: A 21-year-old girl from Oshkosh died today, but they aren’t saying how.
College daughter: A house blew up this morning… Well, a mobile home, actually.
Mom: And it killed that 21-year-old girl?!
College daughter: Well, no. They’re unrelated. Actually, I’m just trying to upstage you… But a house really did blow up.
Appleton, Wisconsin
Blonde, on childbirth: Well, there’s blood, and there are vaginas, and both make people uncomfortable.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Bearded college guy: Yeah, I would have had a much better chance if my last name was, like, “Visigoth,” but I couldn’t, like, lie to her about it at that point, you know?
Madison, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Elizabeth
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
