Archive for the ‘Wishes’ Category

…So Now Joe and I Are Dating.

Nine-year-old: Logan almost got a girlfriend!
Six-year-old: Really?
Nine-year-old: Yep. Remember Courtney?
Six-year-old: With the glasses?
Nine-year-old: Yeah. He asked her out on the bus, but she said no. After that, Joe was like, “I want a girlfriend,” and I was like, “yeah, I know. Me, too, buddy. Me, too.”

Swimming Pool
Louisiana

We Fear for Our Submitter's Health

Very drunk 20-something guy: Honestly, I get a pulse in my dick when I talk to you. I'm going to fuck you tonight.
Rough-looking chain smoking 50-something woman: Oh yeah?
Very drunk 20-something guy: I'm so hard right now… Have a feel.
Rough-looking chain smoking 50-something woman, grabbing hold of his crotch: You're totally flaccid.
(very drunk 20-something bursts into hysterical laughter)

Nightclub
Leamington Spa
England

Overheard by: Bleep

Why Stupid People Will Always Outnumber Smart People: Explained

Teen girl #1: You know, I wish we had some sort of pregnancy switch that we can turn on and off at will. That way, when we have one night stands, we can just turn 'em off, and, voila! No baby!
Teen girl #2: We do. They're called diagrams.
Teen girl #3: You mean “diaphragms.”
Teen girl #2: Whatever.

Starbucks
Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: Leila