Archive for the ‘Wishes’ Category

Dream Big, Kids.

Girl: I want a squirrel.
Friend: I want a cheeseburger.

UT
Austin, Texas

You Know Somebody’s Playing “Magic: the Gathering”

Frazzled mother: At Michigan State they don’t even have parties. They’re not going to want you at a party. You are not going to a party. There is no chance.
Hopeful twelve-year-old boy: Oh, there’s a chance.

East Lansing, Michigan

Overheard by: Cameron

My Partner, Paul, Is As Dumbfounded As I Am

Disgruntled dad-to-be: I wish I could sue the urologist, but it is what it is. So now I’m having a son. Whatever.

Portland, Oregon

Overheard by: Glad he’s not my Dad

…Now That We’ve Invented These Little Wagons for Them.

Older teenager: Go get me my Clif Bar!
Little girl, eating ice cream sandwich: I will, but I don’t want my ice cream to melt.
Older teenager, very annoyed: Bring it with you. You know an ice cream sandwich is portable!

Starbucks
Manhattan, New York

He Died a Happy Man Of Thirty-Five

Old man to teenage girl: Every time he saw an egg he had to eat it.

Melbourne
Australia

Jesus Was to Vex Mary His Entire Life

Mother, exiting trolley, to her son: Okay, come on, there’s people behind us.
Son: I want to say goodbye!
Mother: Oh, god.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

So “Oreo Cook” Isn’t a Racial Slur?

Girl: I’ll have the chocolate peanut butter car crunch.
Cashier teenage boy: Ummmm… Yeah, the “car” actually stands for “caramel”.

Gelato Spot
Scottsdale, Arizona

Overheard by: Fake Blonde

Something Approximately the Size Of a Baby Carrot

Old lady: I’m not very hungry, I’m gonna have something small.
Old man: If you wanted something small, we would have stayed at home and I would have given you something small.

Lester’s Diner
Fort Lauderdale, Florida