You Know… Down There

An­thro­pol­o­gy pro­fes­sor teach­ing Sex and Gen­der: I’m afraid I’ll have to leave class ear­ly today…I have to go to the hos­pi­tal, I have a doc­tor’s appointment…for something…at a cer­tain time…

West­ern Wash­ing­ton Uni­ver­si­ty
Belling­ham, Wash­ing­ton

…Is the Ti­tle of My Cof­fee­house Bon­go Piece

Guy: My life is one gi­ant erec­tion.

At­tle­boro, Mass­a­chu­setts

…Mis­ter “I Cut My­self with Safe­ty Scis­sors”

Son to fa­ther, ex­it­ing hos­pi­tal: Dad, what’s a dis­abil­i­ty?
Fa­ther: It’s like when some­one los­es their fin­ger in an ac­ci­dent, (pause) which will prob­a­bly hap­pen to you.

http://eavesdropdc.blogspot.com/2008/04/father-knows-best.html

Over­heard by: Jon

You Mean, Like, Jer­sey Shore?

Ma­rine with no game to clear­ly un­in­ter­est­ed sales clerk: And we marines say “sem­per fi” to each oth­er, do you know what that means?
Sales girl: Yeah, it…
Ma­rine, in­ter­rupt­ing: It means “al­ways faith­ful.” It’s like Russ­ian or some shit… No. Maybe Ital­ian… Yeah, it’s Ital­ian.

Mall
Birm­ing­ham, Al­aba­ma

Why Will’s Par­ents Sent Him to His Aun­tie and Un­cle in Bel Air

Girl: Jazmin*, what was you do­ing in the bath­room?
Jazmin: Oh, you know…
Boy across the hall: She was tak­ing a dump!
Jazmin: Yup! That’s what we do all day, every day.

Pub­lic High School
Philadel­phia, Penn­syl­va­nia

Over­heard by: an­drom­e­da

Trans­la­tion: They Re­ject­ed Me

Loud man on cell: Har­vard is the crusty nip­ple of lib­er­al­ism.

Col­orado Uni­ver­si­ty
Den­ver, Col­orado

The Girls at the Bot­tom Of the Pyra­mid Got the Worst Of It

Blonde teen: Please don’t pull my fin­ger!
Brunette teen: Oh, gosh. Is this like that time in gym class?

Home­com­ing Foot­ball Game
Min­neso­ta

Yeah the Zo­di­ac Gov­erns Best That Gov­erns Least

Guy: That’s a cool neck­lace. What is it?
Girl: Oh, it’s La­dy Lib­er­ty. I’m a lib­er­tar­i­an.
Guy: Oh cool. I’m a Vir­go.

http://eavesdropdc.blogspot.com/2007/05/im-fiscal-sagittarius-but-lean.html

Over­heard by: stu­dent

Prob­a­bly the “Pot” As Well.

Skate­board­er in large ba­nana suit: We put the ‘ass’ in ‘potas­si­um’!

Ohio State Uni­ver­si­ty
Ohio

If the SATs Were Ac­tu­al­ly Use­ful for Life

Teacher: What word do you think would fit there?
Stu­dent: Uh… “clus­ter­fuck”?

Den­ver, Col­orado