Archive for May, 2008

While Head­bang­ing, My Mom Broke Her Own Neck

Span­ish prof: What’s the dif­fer­ence be­tween a stone and a rock, Eng­lish speak­ers?
Stu­dent #1: A stone is smooth and near wa­ter.
Stu­dent #2: A rock is big, like you can’t pick it up.
Span­ish prof: Well, that would make sense. I mean, we stone peo­ple to death, we don’t rock them to death.
Cute girl stu­dent: It’s hap­pened be­fore.

De An­za Com­mu­ni­ty Col­lege
Cu­per­ti­no, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: shy­in­vis­i­ble­girl has a lit­tle crush on her

“You’re the Mean­est Babysit­ter Ever!” She Screamed

Suit on cell: Yeah, well, we got in­to a fight about whether she would rather have a re­gen­er­at­ing sala­mi foot, or a re­gen­er­at­ing cheese hand. She chose cheese hand, but I ex­plained about the sala­mi foot be­ing pro­tect­ed by socks, while the cheese hand is ex­posed to every­thing. The con­ver­sa­tion just went down­hill from there…

Belle­vue, Wash­ing­ton

Freud: I’m Not Even Sure What She Wants

Girl #1: Yeah, that’s not cool, but I un­der­stand. He sounds very im­ma­ture.
Girl #2: He is. It’s such a shame. I laid in bed last night rem­i­nisc­ing about the time I spent with him in bed. It’s like I can still feel it. Too bad he’s such an ass­hole, and too bad that good dick makes me so… not able to ac­cept what a douchebag a guy re­al­ly is.

At­lanta, Geor­gia

At Least You Have Your Pri­or­i­ties Straight

Ten-year-old boy: You know what I would have if I could have four wish­es?
Big sis­ter: I don’t know. What?
Ten-year-old boy: One: no drought in Geor­gia; Two: no glob­al warm­ing; Three: world peace; Four: a Ko­mo­do drag­on that is re­al­ly nice and fun to play with, is a veg­e­tar­i­an, lives for­ev­er and can grant eter­nal life.

Druid Hills, At­lanta

Over­heard by: Mi­ran­da