Mother: You got into college!
Teenage daughter: I can finally join Facebook!
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
Mother: You got into college!
Teenage daughter: I can finally join Facebook!
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
Old lady: I’ve lived with my body my whole life, but I don’t want it down around my ankles.
Women’s Gym
Studio City, California
Skater guy: I’m not into the unibutt.
Friend: The what?
Skater guy: You know, it’s like a unibrow, except a butt.
Friend: What are you talking about?
Skater guy: I am just giving my commentary on how style has affected my life.
http://eavesdropdc.blogspot.com/2008/05/i‑need-something-that-accentuates-crack.html
Overheard by:
Girl: So I asked him: “When are you going to come back for a reunion? I miss you!” and he was like: “I miss you so much I’ve had to replace you with alcohol.” That’s like, the biggest, best compliment ever! They should make a Hallmark card that says that.
West Lafayette, Indianapolis
Overheard by: Kolja
20-something goth/thug girl: Remember the time I went to jail? I didn’t want to leave!
Denny’s
San Antonio, Texas
Overheard by: I didn’t want to be at dennys
Guy #1: Is he good at sex?
Girl: Yeah.
Guy #2: Wow. I’m surprised.
Girl: Honestly, I was too.
San Francisco, California
College girl #1: If I’m pregnant, the father is either him or his cousin.
College girl #2: Wait, you slept with David* and his cousin?
College girl #1: It wasn’t a big deal, it was a threesome!
Barnes & Noble
Cary, North Carolina
Overheard by: Jennifer
Older woman working out with personal trainer: I’m almost 70 years old. Ask me how much I care how I look. I don’t even have a mirror in my bathroom. I was just interested in a chemical peel. They wanted to roll my skin up over my head, take out the fat, then roll it down again, not to mention take out my liver and kidney. And the woman that’s dragging me around to this stuff? She’s a gusher. I hate gushers. She says: “We’ll go through this together”. She says: “Ask the gods.” Can you imagine me asking the gods for a facelift? What blasphemy. She says: “Tell me about yourself”. I say: “You mean the heroin addiction?” She says: “Really?” I say: “Yeah, it was after my two daughters were born, when I started robbing banks to support us.” Honestly, everything has to be so sordid before someone will listen to you. You have to have an incestuous affair or something. When in reality, I work all day, then come home and watch TV like the rest of the human race.
Women’s gym
Studio City, California
Overheard by: Trying not to howl with laughter
Mom: You wanna sleep in the bed with dad?
13-year-old boy: Why the hell would I do that? I’m 5′6″! That’s gay!
Baldwin Park, Florida
Overheard by: hmm… point taken.
Soldier: What is that thing?
Passenger #1: An iPhone.
Passenger #2: Man, where the hell have you been?
Soldier: Iraq.
Flight from Minneapolis to Pittsburgh
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist