Archive for November, 2008

Who We Are As Kids Is Who We Are in Life

Friend #1: Do you re­mem­ber when we were lit­tle and I used to show the neigh­bor’s boys my boobs so they’d give me can­dy? Bet you’re glad I stopped do­ing that!
Friend #2: What are you talk­ing about? The on­ly thing that’s changed is your form of pay­ment! You just fin­ished telling every­one not two min­utes ago how last week you won $200 on am­a­teur’s night when you went to the strip club with the guys!

Eau Claire, Wis­con­sin

Mr. Sand­man, Bring Me a Dream/ Send Me a Girl Who Wants to Get Reamed

Girl: So I had a re­al­is­tic dream last night.
Guy (un­in­ter­est­ed): Uh-huh.
Girl: I had anal sex in the dream. But I’ve nev­er had anal sex be­fore. But it seemed re­al­is­tic.
Guy (un­in­ter­est­ed): Hmm.
Girl: So now I need to have anal sex to see if it was like in my dream.
Guy (sud­den­ly in­ter­est­ed): Yeah?

Kansas City, Mis­souri

Over­heard by: Sarah

His Farts Are Del­i­cate­ly Scent­ed With Botan­i­cals

Guy to girl: So you heard about Dave, right? His girl­friend broke up with him last night. He got com­plete­ly wast­ed and tried to kill him­self by drink­ing a bot­tle of sham­poo.
Girl: Oh my god! Is he okay?
Guy: Yeah, turns out you cant kill your­self by drink­ing sham­poo. We’re call­ing him “bub­bles” now. He’ll nev­er live this down.

Lock­port, New York

Over­heard by: evan

If On­ly There Were Some Way to Lim­it How Many Can Reg­is­ter

Pro­fes­sor #1: Try­ing to crowd thir­ty-two stu­dents in­to a space meant for six­teen just is­n’t work­ing.
Pro­fes­sor #2: Oh, re­al­ly?
Pro­fes­sor #1: Is it at all pos­si­ble to have the room re­as­signed with­out wad­ing through the bu­reau­cra­cy?
Pro­fes­sor #2: No, and that’s why I al­ways as­sign the thick­est and most dif­fi­cult read­ings in the first two weeks.

Over­heard by: Ian