Middle schoolboy to wimpy friend: I always dump my girlfriends before I come to the mall.
Pleasant Hill, California
Overheard by: sam
Archive for March, 2009
Who Had Means, Motive and Opportunity?
Foreign dressing room attendant, opening all stall doors: It stinks in here! Who pooped? Someone pooped in here, and I’m gonna find it. Where is the poop? Who did it?
Ross
Melbourne, Florida
Pepperidge Farm’s Goyfish Snack Socks Kinda Missed the Boat
Obnoxious teenage boy: No, that guy’s really weird. I mean, did you hear what he did last year?
Friends: No.
Obnoxious teenage boy: He took a slice of cheese and two pieces of ham. Then he got a pair of socks and he put them in an aquarium…
Eugene, Oregon
So I Told My Boyfriend He’d Done It and Kicked Him Out
Girl #1: I was sooo drunk. I woke up and there was shit all over the rug.
Girl #2: That’s not good.
Girl #1: Yeah, I’m like disgusted with myself.
University of Delaware
Back in My Day, It Wasn’t a Race Without at Least a Little Mooing
Man to daughter entering race: So, do you have to quack while you run, or…how does that work?
4th of July Parade
Brighton, Michigan
Overheard by: Tonya
And No Pants!
Little boy: I wanna be a duck.
Mother: You wanna be a duck?
Little boy: Yeah, so I can walk around with my eyes closed.
Australia
You’re Really Cute, Wendy, but You’re a Fucking Sociopath
Girl #1: So last week, I went to find my cat…and I found her dead on the side of the porch.
Girl #2: (unphased)
Girl #1: And then, I went into the backyard to feed my dog…and I found him dead on the side of the house!
Girl #2: (starts laughing uncontrollably)
Escondido
San Diego, Calfornia
Overheard by: see-are-uh
I’m a Bit Worried About Our “White Power” T‑Shirts
Girl #1, looking at group of guys hanging out on the corner: They look like skinheads!
Girl #2: They’re black.
Claremont, California
…After Tuna Wrestling in Them.
Woman #1: I have to return some things to Victoria’s Secret.
Woman #2: Why?
Woman #1: I don’t like the way they smell.
Sandusky, Ohio
Overheard by: NOT a VS smeller
I Gotta Get Home for Shabbas
Hobo, picking through recycling for cans and bottles: Thank god it’s Friday!
Central Square
Cambridge, Massachusetts
