Middle schoolboy to wimpy friend: I always dump my girlfriends before I come to the mall.
Pleasant Hill, California
Overheard by: sam
Middle schoolboy to wimpy friend: I always dump my girlfriends before I come to the mall.
Pleasant Hill, California
Overheard by: sam
Foreign dressing room attendant, opening all stall doors: It stinks in here! Who pooped? Someone pooped in here, and I’m gonna find it. Where is the poop? Who did it?
Ross
Melbourne, Florida
Obnoxious teenage boy: No, that guy’s really weird. I mean, did you hear what he did last year?
Friends: No.
Obnoxious teenage boy: He took a slice of cheese and two pieces of ham. Then he got a pair of socks and he put them in an aquarium…
Eugene, Oregon
Girl #1: I was sooo drunk. I woke up and there was shit all over the rug.
Girl #2: That’s not good.
Girl #1: Yeah, I’m like disgusted with myself.
University of Delaware
Man to daughter entering race: So, do you have to quack while you run, or…how does that work?
4th of July Parade
Brighton, Michigan
Overheard by: Tonya
Little boy: I wanna be a duck.
Mother: You wanna be a duck?
Little boy: Yeah, so I can walk around with my eyes closed.
Australia
Girl #1: So last week, I went to find my cat…and I found her dead on the side of the porch.
Girl #2: (unphased)
Girl #1: And then, I went into the backyard to feed my dog…and I found him dead on the side of the house!
Girl #2: (starts laughing uncontrollably)
Escondido
San Diego, Calfornia
Overheard by: see-are-uh
Girl #1, looking at group of guys hanging out on the corner: They look like skinheads!
Girl #2: They’re black.
Claremont, California
Woman #1: I have to return some things to Victoria’s Secret.
Woman #2: Why?
Woman #1: I don’t like the way they smell.
Sandusky, Ohio
Overheard by: NOT a VS smeller
Hobo, picking through recycling for cans and bottles: Thank god it’s Friday!
Central Square
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist