I Need That Trunk Space on the Way Back

Mid­dle school­boy to wimpy friend: I al­ways dump my girl­friends be­fore I come to the mall.

Pleas­ant Hill, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: sam

Who Had Means, Mo­tive and Op­por­tu­ni­ty?

For­eign dress­ing room at­ten­dant, open­ing all stall doors: It stinks in here! Who pooped? Some­one pooped in here, and I’m gonna find it. Where is the poop? Who did it?

Ross
Mel­bourne, Flori­da

Pep­peridge Far­m’s Goy­fish Snack Socks Kin­da Missed the Boat

Ob­nox­ious teenage boy: No, that guy’s re­al­ly weird. I mean, did you hear what he did last year?
Friends: No.
Ob­nox­ious teenage boy: He took a slice of cheese and two pieces of ham. Then he got a pair of socks and he put them in an aquar­i­um…

Eu­gene, Ore­gon

So I Told My Boyfriend He’d Done It and Kicked Him Out

Girl #1: I was sooo drunk. I woke up and there was shit all over the rug.
Girl #2: That’s not good.
Girl #1: Yeah, I’m like dis­gust­ed with my­self.

Uni­ver­si­ty of Delaware

Back in My Day, It Was­n’t a Race With­out at Least a Lit­tle Moo­ing

Man to daugh­ter en­ter­ing race: So, do you have to quack while you run, or…how does that work?

4th of Ju­ly Pa­rade
Brighton, Michi­gan

Over­heard by: Tonya

And No Pants!

Lit­tle boy: I wan­na be a duck.
Moth­er: You wan­na be a duck?
Lit­tle boy: Yeah, so I can walk around with my eyes closed.

Aus­tralia

You’re Re­al­ly Cute, Wendy, but You’re a Fuck­ing So­ciopath

Girl #1: So last week, I went to find my cat…and I found her dead on the side of the porch.
Girl #2: (un­phased)
Girl #1: And then, I went in­to the back­yard to feed my dog…and I found him dead on the side of the house!
Girl #2: (starts laugh­ing un­con­trol­lably)

Es­con­di­do
San Diego, Cal­for­nia

Over­heard by: see-are-uh

I’m a Bit Wor­ried About Our “White Pow­er” T‑Shirts

Girl #1, look­ing at group of guys hang­ing out on the cor­ner: They look like skin­heads!
Girl #2: They’re black.

Clare­mont, Cal­i­for­nia

…Af­ter Tu­na Wrestling in Them.

Woman #1: I have to re­turn some things to Vic­to­ri­a’s Se­cret.
Woman #2: Why?
Woman #1: I don’t like the way they smell.

San­dusky, Ohio

Over­heard by: NOT a VS smeller

I Got­ta Get Home for Shab­bas

Hobo, pick­ing through re­cy­cling for cans and bot­tles: Thank god it’s Fri­day!

Cen­tral Square
Cam­bridge, Mass­a­chu­setts