Archive for April, 2009

Sidesaddle, If She Liked

Young suit #1: I’d totally ride her.
Young suit #2: Her!?
Young suit #1: Yeah, what’s up with her? She’s very pleasant-looking.
Young suit #2: My point exactly. You don’t “totally ride” (makes air quotes) someone who’s pleasant-looking.
Young suit #1: Fair enough. (pause) Okay then, I’d totally let her ride me.
Young suit #2: Yeah, me too.

Subway Sandwich Shop

Or Why We Have Matching Engagement Rings

Male tour guide: So, this building is wh…
Sorostitute: Oh my god! Mike! (hugs tour guide)
Male tour guide: Hi…how are you?
Sorostitute: I’m great, but I gotta run, call me!
Mom in tour: I thought you said your name was Josh!
Male tour guide: It is…I don’t know who that was.

Eastern Michigan University

In My Day, Substance Abuse Was a prerequisite for the Advanced Writing Seminar

Professor: Isn’t Jim just a perplexing guy? I read his stories and I’m just like, “what’s wrong with him?” Jim, you’re just stoned all the time, aren’t you? Are you stoned right now?
Jim: No!
Professor: But were you stoned earlier today?
Jim: Yes. But only because I was hungover!

Hartford, Connecticut

Overheard by: Claire

Nobody Ever Wins the Which-Sex’s-Sex-Is-Best Argument

Straight girl: Butt sex, butt sex, butt sex!
Gay guy: You really love saying that, don’t you?
Straight girl: Yes!
Gay professor: Do you prefer anal to vaginal!
Straight girl: Ewww, fuck no! I don’t want anything in my asshole! See, I have a vagina. I have options, unlike gay men.
Gay professor: Ah, you’ll never know the pleasures of prostate stimulation.

Westchester, New York