Archive for April, 2009

Sidesad­dle, If She Liked

Young suit #1: I’d to­tal­ly ride her.
Young suit #2: Her!?
Young suit #1: Yeah, what’s up with her? She’s very pleas­ant-look­ing.
Young suit #2: My point ex­act­ly. You don’t “to­tal­ly ride” (makes air quotes) some­one who’s pleas­ant-look­ing.
Young suit #1: Fair enough. (pause) Okay then, I’d to­tal­ly let her ride me.
Young suit #2: Yeah, me too.

Sub­way Sand­wich Shop

Or Why We Have Match­ing En­gage­ment Rings

Male tour guide: So, this build­ing is wh…
Soros­ti­tute: Oh my god! Mike! (hugs tour guide)
Male tour guide: Hi…how are you?
Soros­ti­tute: I’m great, but I got­ta run, call me!
Mom in tour: I thought you said your name was Josh!
Male tour guide: It is…I don’t know who that was.

East­ern Michi­gan Uni­ver­si­ty

In My Day, Sub­stance Abuse Was a pre­req­ui­site for the Ad­vanced Writ­ing Sem­i­nar

Pro­fes­sor: Is­n’t Jim just a per­plex­ing guy? I read his sto­ries and I’m just like, “what’s wrong with him?” Jim, you’re just stoned all the time, aren’t you? Are you stoned right now?
Jim: No!
Pro­fes­sor: But were you stoned ear­li­er to­day?
Jim: Yes. But on­ly be­cause I was hun­gover!

Hart­ford, Con­necti­cut

Over­heard by: Claire

No­body Ever Wins the Which-Sex’s-Sex-Is-Best Ar­gu­ment

Straight girl: Butt sex, butt sex, butt sex!
Gay guy: You re­al­ly love say­ing that, don’t you?
Straight girl: Yes!
Gay pro­fes­sor: Do you pre­fer anal to vagi­nal!
Straight girl: Ewww, fuck no! I don’t want any­thing in my ass­hole! See, I have a vagi­na. I have op­tions, un­like gay men.
Gay pro­fes­sor: Ah, you’ll nev­er know the plea­sures of prostate stim­u­la­tion.

Westch­ester, New York