Teacher: Oh my god, I love you, Erica! You’re like a little me!
Student: Ew!
Middle School
Virginia
Overheard by: Eh, there are worse things
Archive for July, 2009
Are We Giving Or Receiving?
Older man: You kids gonna come out and play?
Kid: Play what?
Older man: Cornhole.
Indiana
More Important Than You Knew
Brazilian guy to American: Pleeeeeaaase? Say it. Say it. Say “fucker de matriz” in English.
Brazilian girlfriend: He wants you to say (whispers) “motherfucker”.
American guy: Okay. (blandly) Motherfucker.
Brazilian guy: No! Like an American, please!
American guy: Huh? Oh, “muthafucka!“
Brazilian guy, laughing giddily and clapping: Yes! Yes! Muthafucka, excellent!
ViaRail Train
Canadia
Overheard by: Jim
Some Lesbians Are More Convincing with Their Beards Than Others
Girl #1: Are you still going out with that guy you were with back in April?
Girl #2: (blank stare)
Girl #1: The one you were living with?
Girl #2: (blank stare)
Girl #1: The one with the dog?
Girl #2: (blank stare)
Girl #1: Little black dog?
Girl #2: Oh, Jack! Yeah, we’re still together.
Bus
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Zoe
Be Afraid, Dear Reader. Be Very Afraid.
Man with thick accent on cell: The problem is that their religion is their life. They are diabolically opposed. (long pause) Yes. I think it is time for another crusades.
Salt Lake City, Utah
A Problem I Can Solve Simply by Getting a Drunker ID
Drunk college dude, explaining how he got kicked out of a club: They looked at my ID, then they looked at my face. My face was not as sober as my ID.
Metro, Orange Line
Washington, DC
Overheard by: funniest Metro ride ever
They Have No Idea What’s Going on
Economics graduate to friend, looking around sadly at subdued crowd: We should go to the poli sci graduation later. I heard it’s riotous.
UCLA
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Another Economics Graduate
NewsFlash: Craig Kilborn Lends Name to Chewable Prozac.
Little boy in handicapped stall: I like you… I like you, Craig… You relax me.
Ladies Room, Barnes & Noble
Saugus, Massachusetts
She’s Broken a Lot Of Gay Hearts
Asian teenage girl, about sister who just left: She’s so cute. She looks like a guy.
Sporting Carnival
Australia
Overheard by: Ouch
What’s More Fun Than Tormenting Vegans?
20-something girl to friend: You should totally eat some meat. Maybe you’ll get the meat sweats.
Wedding
Redlands, California
Overheard by: Ruben
