Archive for October, 2009

The Plas­tic Knives Tend to Hurt

Girl, cry­ing or laugh­ing: I just can’t be­lieve you love me; I have shown up on your doorstep so fuck­ing wast­ed.
Guy: Ba­by, you found a plas­tic fork in your panties! It’s okay! Any­way, it was not one of your bet­ter nights.
Girl: Ac­tu­al­ly, it was one of my bet­ter nights.

Mis­sion Dis­trict
San Fran­cis­co, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Judy­li­cious

He Just Sings In­stead Of Talk­ing

Fe­male stu­dent to friend at bus stop: So, he was, like, freak­ish­ly qui­et, but every now and then he would bust out with some­thing that, you know, we would say, you know, like, (bursts in­to song) “Do you like waf­fles? Yeah, I like waf­fles!” (in nor­mal voice) And, you know, I would be, like, “Woah! He is a re­al per­son.”

Uni­ver­si­ty of Ok­la­homa

Over­heard by: be­causeob­vi­ouslyall­nor­malpeo­ple­like­waf­fles

…Even When He Shout­ed Out My Name As He Was Fin­ish­ing.

Guy: Well, I mean the sun was com­ing up, and we went and got sand­wich­es af­ter­wards, and rolled an­oth­er joint.
Be­mused girl: All this is set­ting the scene nice­ly, but it does­n’t ex­plain how you end­ed up mas­tur­bat­ing on a school roof to­geth­er.
Guy: We were twen­ty feet apart with our backs to each oth­er, it was­n’t gay or any­thing!