Teen to friend: My pants are tight in the crotch, I think I am getting bigger in that region.
Buffalo, New York
Overheard by: el.
Archive for January, 2010
Why the Gays Should Run the World
Delightfully gay and snarky flight attendant: Now, ladies, I am impressed with your Louis Vuitton and your coach. I adore your Prada and your Gucci. They are beautiful. But I will be more impressed with all of your bags if you stow them under the seat while we are landing. Now sit back and shut up.
(five minutes later, while plane is taxiing)
Delightfully gay and snarky flight attendant: We are finally here. So please, exit the plane a lot quicker than you boarded it. (plane stops, parks at gate) Get out.
Midway Airport
Chicago, Illinois
Let’s Just Hope the Casting Agents at Lifetime Agree!
Guy wearing shirt reading “Dude. Seriously. Fuck you”: Some say I have a face for date rape.
State Fair
California
Overheard by: Sonni
And Snooki Doesn’t Care Who Knows It
Guy: You have a hole in your pants.
Girl: I know.
Guy, after pause: Nice underwear.
Girl’s boyfriend: Yeah, she always has nice underwear…
New Jersey
At Least Call It the “Cocktagon,” Dude.
Tipsy guy to friend: Of course I have a nickname for my penis. I call it “the octagon.”
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Sick Fatty
But That Still Doesn’t Excuse All the Stains.
Girl on porch: That’s the kind of car you lose your virginity in!
Burlington, Vermont
Wouldn’t Going Potty First Be Most Important?
Mother in bathroom stall to small child: We can go soon, but first mommy has to go potty, then put her pants back on. Put her pants back on… That’s the most important thing.
Puyallup, Washington
Overheard by: in the next stall…
College Exists to Prolong Adolescence
Female Brown student #1: That lab class is so stupid.
Female Brown student #2: Yeah. Harry Potter had the best labs.
Female Brown student #1, sighing: I wish this was Hogwarts.
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Sadie
What’s a Clitoris?
Woman #1: Have you ever looked at your hymen?
Woman #2: No, and neither have you, because you’re no longer a virgin.
Woman #1: Yes, I have! It’s that little flap of skin at the top.
Woman #2: That’s your clitoris, and you’re an idiot.
Calgary
Alberta
Canadia
Jo Introduces Herself to Blair for the First Time
College student to roommate: My family heirloom is a neon beer light. And a coffee mug.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Larissa
