Archive for February, 2010

So It’s Like…a Gay Bar?

Guy, af­ter burn­ing left hand: But this is my spe­cial hand…
Friend: Why can’t you just use your right hand for a while?
Guy: It’s like be­ing jerked off by a stranger.
Friend: What?
Guy: Imag­ine a stranger comes up to you and starts talk­ing to you, and sud­den­ly just starts jerk­ing you off. (pause) Yeah. That’s how it feels like.

Bay­onne, New Jer­sey

…With the Red Car­pet

Teenage girl on cell: I’m not say­ing that I want to be fa­mous, I know not every­one can be fa­mous, I’m just say­ing that’s the one thing I’ve al­ways, like, as­pired to, just a beau­ti­ful con­nec­tion.