Girl #1, discussing her boobs: I have lemons! What do you have?
Girl #2: Shit, I have watermelons.
Girl #3, grabbing her own boobs: I have cantaloupes.
Girl #1: Why are you grabbing your cantaloupes?
Jersey City, New Jersey
Girl #1, discussing her boobs: I have lemons! What do you have?
Girl #2: Shit, I have watermelons.
Girl #3, grabbing her own boobs: I have cantaloupes.
Girl #1: Why are you grabbing your cantaloupes?
Jersey City, New Jersey
Ditzy cute girl: Look at the clouds! They’re blue!
Friend, deadpan: You mean the sky.
Ditzy cute girl: Yeah! Ohmigod, kittensssss!
Jakarta
Indonesia
Overheard by: I only want my coffee
Furious hobo in tie-dye to frightened college student: You know why girls wear perfume and makeup? Because they’re ugly and they stink! God bless you.
Berkeley, California
Guy #1: These glasses hurt my eyes.
Guy #2: But there aren’t even any lenses in them!
St. Peter’s College
New Jersey
Man #1: Are you having fun?
Man #2: Yeah. Are you having fun?
Man #1: Yeah.
Man #2: Why?
Man #1: ‘Cause this is the most sober we’re going to be all night.
Epcot
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Maddie
Physical therapy student: So he’s gotten a *lot* more fit in the last 300 years, right?
Simmons College
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Yoshi
Beggar #1: Spare change?
Beggar #2: Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while.
Beggar #1: I just got back from California.
Boston, Massachusetts
Father: What will happen if mommy finds out?
Daughter: Total plutonic reversal.
Father: And?
Daughter: And I won’t get any more suckers.
Bloomington, Indiana
Overheard by: Danzdman
Teen girl #1: I don’t get why they put “eat it” by the cheerleaders.
Teen girl #2: Me neither. You can’t, like, eat cheers.
Teen girl #1: Yeah… But you can eat cheerleaders.
High School
Kansas
Girl on cell: I was about to go home, so I told Bob* to get the cheese because I’d brought it over so George* coud make a cheesy bagel, right? So Bob* brings me the cheese but then he starts massaging my back, and I fall asleep with the cheese. I wake up like a half hour later and he’s doing it to me, so I grab the cheese, say goodnight, and leave. And after that, whenever I saw someone eat a piece of that cheese I felt sooo weird. But now it’s all eaten, the evidence is gone, and what that cheese witnessed will never be revealed.
Outside Westfield Mall
San Diego, California
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist