Archive for December, 2010

Noth­ing’s Sweet­er Than Frozen Se­men

Old broad #1: Well, you heard that they froze his se­men, right?
Old broad #2, gasp­ing: Re­al­ly?
Old broad #1: Of course! I mean, Su­san* would love to have more chil­dren with Thomas*, you know, but on ac­count of the can­cer, it just makes things a lit­tle dif­fi­cult.
Old broad #2: That’s so sweet…

Madi­son, Wis­con­sin

The Best Part Is, He’s Record­ing His Voice­mail Away Mes­sage.

20-some­thing man on cell: I’ve got women. I start­ed my own re­li­gion. I don’t give a shit if hip­sters don’t think I’m cool. (pause) I know in my heart I’m a fuck­ing ge­nius. If I died tonight, there would be a mas­sive white trash or­gasm. (pause) If you’re so bad, your soul goes in­to a wax mu­se­um. We should make our own rap mu­sic. We’ll be so good they’ll put us in a mau­soleum, like Stal­in.

Nor­man, Ok­la­homa

Showed Me Their Union Cards

Kid-faced guy in suit on cell: Yeah, and then those ma­li­cious evil­do­ers told me I should­n’t be there. (pause) They were the min­ions of the An­tichrist. (pause) I’m se­ri­ous, dammit!

King of Prus­sia, Penn­syl­va­nia

Over­heard by: Car­rie